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Young People with Vision – Ustad Nouman Ali Khan Advice to Young Muslim in ICNA 2015

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The Quran does not explicitly talk about the pursuit of happiness.
It is interesting that highest it is talk about is contentment, just being at peace, that's the ultimate goal, and not happiness, which is two different things.
Being at peace and being happy are two different thing

Now, I want to talk a little bit to you about some study in psychology that really interesting and really shades light how we to understand the statement in the Quran, what the entire statement is talk about.
The statement comes from surah An-Najm (53:39)

Human being will have nothing for his own benefit, except whatever effort he made

Now, I want to you stay with me as the best as you can

The first and the lowest pursuit any of you will have, and I am particularly picking the young people in the audience.
I know there are young at heart, too but it is young in physically.
I need you understand the lowest of all pursuit in your life going to be happiness.
Let me demonstrate you what that is:
You feel like not doing your homework on Saturday morning, so you sleep until 12, and you are what? Happy.
It does not take much to be happy.
So you play the video the entire night, you have huge migraine but since he beats the game, somehow he's happy.
Somebody got call from work “This is snow day, you don’t have to come.”
Guess what? They are happy.
In other words, happiness is easy. In small thing, happiness is easy.
In relationship, making your parent happy to be with you is very hard, making your wife happy, astagfirullah.
Okay?

But for yourself, attaining happiness is easy, like watching movie, you felt happy, meet friend and you felt happy.
It does not take much.
But what happens to it? It goes, you frustrated and you want to be happy again, so you keep after this drug of happiness which keeps leaving you.
It never stays with you.
It is the lowest of all pursuit.
So people said “I just want to be happy”
I don’t understand what it means because nobody always happy.
Allah gave us huge store of emotion to experience in life and all part of healthy life.
Happy is one of them. If you just pursued happiness, let me tell you, you involved in disappointment.
It is never going to happen.
You will never be life in constant happiness. That is not going to works.
Life is about struggle too.
When you are studying for your final, you are not happy.
When you are in the middle three hours final, you are not happy.
When you are working out, sweating and dying, you are not happy.
When you see the result, you are happy.

Anyway, let’s go a step further, the second pursuit, which means requiring more effort.
Every time I take a step, you have to go through more pain to get it, okay?
So the next step is the pursuit of cool.
Cool just means nobody going to pick on me; I am going to blend in with everybody else.
Nobody is going to point on me and said “Why you dress like that?  Why do you talk like that? Why do you look like that? Why do you walking like that? Why do you hanging with those people? Why do you driving that? Why do you shop that?”
People will point and criticize you and you don't want those to happen.
you don't want to be the object of criticism.
You need to cool like everybody else and it takes work, for example you in high school or happen before that in middle school.
How you dress to school is really big deal and before you pick a cloth out of closet, before you pick a shoe, the thought that ran through your mind “What will people think of me if I wear this?”
This is pursuit of cool and it takes work to blend in.
It is easy to be weird and everybody else finds strange, but it takes work to be everybody else.
A lot of young people unfortunately have to give themselves up.
They have to pretend they are someone they not just to fit in.
I met kids one time, maybe 14/15 years old, he had baseball hat that used to be a thing, and he came to me and he started to cry, he started to talk “You know? I hate dress like this. But if I don’t, people make fun of me and I can’t stand to get beat up. I don't like cursing but I do a lot when I go to school because I had to fit in.”

The lowest pursuit is happiness, and above is what? Cool.
And there is pursuit above that: the pursuit of popularity.
I don’t want to blend in. I want to be the coolest person there is.
I want to be the ones everybody else to be friend with.
I want to be the loudest one in lunch table.
Before anybody makes fun on me, I want to makes fun of everybody else.
And there are lot time the popular kids in school; they become popular because they make fun of other kids.
So everybody got scared they become the next target, so they come under their wing, so they are not be the next target.

This happens with adult.
The pursuit of popularity means I want to be the center of attention, so I am going to post a picture, tweet something, make video or  whatever I am going to do so people will talk about me.
Every time the commentary going down, I am going to do something new so the conversation starts new again.
Pursuit of popularity is strange thing because it made people humiliated themselves.
Like for example in the music industry, the entertainment industry, when artist, their album platinum or something and their song no longer popular, they need to humiliated themselves: disgusting video or involved in controversy, so there will tabloid about them.
They could not sell the next music or whatever
Popular takes work, you going to spend money, spend time and it is important to you, you need to maintain your image, status among people.

Above that, there is another pursuit, for college student this is more important than elementary student: it is big deal, it is prestige.

At the bottom: happiness, cool, then popularity, then prestige.
Prestige means you want to be able to associate yourself with something that is very valuable.
You want to able to tell people “You know, I went to Harvard”
You don’t tell them that you went therefor weekend to pick up your friend, but you like to use your name in the same sentence as Harvard.
Even when you fresh minute Harvard, what do you accomplish?
Nothing.
What you do to the world?
Nothing.
But you want your name associated with prestigious institution/brand.
If the brand not visible to see, you want have conversation for people ask you where do you get that?
Well, it's harmony or something.
Because you want yourself associated your name with something .
What kind of car are you driving? What kind of cloth are you wearing?
You don’t want to take a selfie with someone because you won’t remember them. You want to take selfie that make other people feel you are more important cause you stand next to this person.
It became matter of prestige.
It more about become letting other people know how awesome you are by association, not by accomplishment.
Btw, in the religious community, sometimes parent want to make their kids hafidz or doctor, but they love telling people “You know, my son is hafidz” and they turned them into trophy. Unfortunately, that is not the reason why you memorized Quran, but it happens.

Now we are at level what? Prestige,
It is going to be a big deal.
You got a job at big company. You got a job at Google.
You don’t forget your badge; you wear your badge to the masjid.
“Is there Google special badge?” “No, no, I got a job there”
You want poeple know what you accomplished. Desire to others what prestige you have.

At bottom again, what the first thing? Happiness.
Good! Then?
Cool, Popularity, Prestige.
Above that, there is the pursuit of money.
There are some people they don’t care about happiness, they don’t care about cool, they don’t care about popularity, they don’t care about prestige.
All they care about is what? Money!
They know how to make a lot of money.
This people wear dirty T shirt, ripped jeans, and driving 80 miles per hour and they don’t care because they make million dollars a month.
They making 10 million dollar a month. I am not this people. I met these people made hundred million a year and you will not know those humble make that kind money cause his hair all over the place.
He's doing a thing or not doing a thing because he doesn't care.
He is amazing at business and that's all he ever thinks about.
All he ever thinks about: How I am going to increase sale? How I am going to expand? How I am going to open up warehouse?
I am going to do this, I am going to do that.

It takes works to be happy, and it takes a lot more work to be cool, to be popular and makes money.
It increasing incredible amount of work ethic.
This people don’t take a break.

Then there is above that: Even higher level.
Btw, every time I tell you effort, I need you to understand something: every time you go to higher level, you need to go through more pain to get there.
You have to tolerate pain in order to be there, great pain.
And above money, there is somebody who needs to be number one. They want to have excellence.
I don’t want to programmer in my company; I want to be top programmer in my company.
I don’t want to be student in class; I want to be the top student in class.
I don’t want to have high score in SAT; I want to have perfect score in SAT.
I just don’t want to be NBA player; I want to be the MVP.
They are never happy with themselves and they keep pushing themselves harder, harder.
They never satisfied.
They are people who pursue excellence in whatever they do, whether in study, exercise, athletic, work field, research, whatever they get.
They need to be on top, they need to be number one.

Do you know who they are comparing to? This is important.
Themselves from yesterday.
They don’t care about anybody else.
They don’t look anybody else.
They know they could done better.
They never satisfied. They never sit back.
They said “Man, I need do more, I could done better.” and everybody else said “Wow! You are amazing”
and they said “Who cares? I knew I could do better.”
So, they don’t care about the praise and acknowledge from people, who think they did amazing work but they just keep pushing themselves harder and harder.
This example for you guys like Michael, he beat the records but after the praise, he did not sit. He is not after praise, he is after excellence.
He like machine, keep going forward and forward, accelerating them more.
They are very few people in the world.
Most of you guys here, once you get passing grade, you are “Now it is time for pursuit of happiness and hold on the play station”
They are guys who got 99 and he beat himself up “How did I make that one mistake?” and it is usually not a guy but usually a girl.

At part of my career, I teach men and women in intensive Arabic program takes 6 months
The half of classes are girls and the half of classes are guys: 30 girls and 30 guys.
The sisters for 5 years have been beaten up the guys in exam score, completely, but the guys consistently have been happier.
The girls are always upset “Ustad, I knew I get 100, but I am not sure I understand fully”
And this guy got 25 and he acts “I got it! I got it”
I am dealing with 2 different species inside the classroom, completely different mindset.
So I have to tell this guys: “Wake up! Stupid! You don’t understand! Do some works!”
and I have to tell the ladies: “Calm down! You get it! Take it easy on yourself”
I never tell the guys to take it easy on themselves cause they could not possibly taking any easier.
They could not possibly happen.

So, we are up to what now?
Help me out. Let's start at bottom again!
Happiness, Cool, Popularity, Prestige, Money, Excellence
What could be above excellence?
That is impact!
I don’t care I make more money than anybody else, I don’t care what I get.
I want to do something for others, I want to leave legacy.
I knew I had limited time on this planet.
When I go, I want to leave my mark on this earth.
I want to able to say I have done something to make the world better place for other people.
I want to be people of impact.

We are talking about the non Muslim right now.
I have not talked about the believer, yet.
They are people who got MBA top school, they could make 6 figures salary right after school and they dropping those salaries and they are going to company that do social responsibility work.
They take major pain cut.
Instead believing in money, they believe far more in impact.
So they rather work for organization that helping reform education system.
So somebody be doctor and could make huge amount money, instead he spent 3 years for doctor without borders.
Have you ever heard?
You don’t make money when you go to doctor without borders.
You risk your life.
Because instead worry about what car I am going to get when the money start rolling in, he/she worried about the impact, they want to do something good.
That kind of selflessness is very very few people.
The higher level you go, the fewer people you find.
And those people are incredible human being.
They have made changes on planet.
Think people like Nelson Mandela.
They sacrifice themselves for greater good.
They don’t think about themselves, they are servant of the cause.
The people of impact are far way above the people of excellence.
Btw, excellence is automatic for these people.
Because if you want to have those kind impact, you going to push harder and harder.

You might think the highest somebody's goal is impact.
But no, there is something higher.
There is the ultimate truth.
Somebody pursue justice, somebody pursue truth.
They believe in justice and justice is something you can never fully see in the world.
Can you?
But they don't care, they going to work toward it anyway.
When you work toward something you cannot  even see, it is the hardest thing to do in the world.
If you are working toward impact, even if you see a little bit of impact, you got encourage and it is pushing you further.
When you work toward idea, the cause of justice, you may not see justice ever, ever.
How these people able to push themselves when they work toward something they never even see?
These are the most incredible resilience kind of people.
When they believe in idea, everybody think they are crazy, they don’t care, they keep going.

I want to tell you that the legacy of all prophets was actually the pursuit of truth.
They care about sharing the truth to people.
Actually we learn from Rasulullah, a lot of times on the judgment day, there are people shown up before Allah, the messengers with no follower behind them.
No follower. Not one, not two, Zero.
What did they pursuit? The truth.
How much impact did they have? Zero.
But they are still absolutely successful in the side of Allah.
Yes or no?
So we need to understand something.

Let's go back from start but focus on the last four, maybe even the last five.
When you pursue excellence, you never satisfied with who? Yourself.
The question is why you never satisfied with yourself?
Just because you want to be better? No.
If you understand Islam point of view, you never satisfied because every single point of you people is supposed to be person of impact.
You supposed to be thinking of others than yourself, that is why you never satisfied.
Allah put more responsibility on you more than you realize.

I want you to think about this, too
This also most powerful statement in QUran because it is not clearly translated. This creates a lot of problem.
La yukallifullahu nafsan lla wussaha (Al Baqarah: 286)
Allah never put burdens any individual, except …
Here the weak translation: except to their capacity.
Allah never put burden on you that you cannot bear.
Have you ever heard this before?
The Arabic would have been La yufkalifullahu nafsan illa bi wussiha, but actually illa wussaha
The meaning is completely different now.
But the true meaning is Allah has not ever put burden you with anything except your own potential.
Allah has not ever put burden you with anything except your own potential.

Think what I am saying.
Do you have potential to be better? Yes!
Could you have done more? Yes!
Could you be better? Yes!
And Allah would hold you accountable for what could have done, not the bear minimum but the maximum.
Allah wants to push yourself, push yourself, push yourself and show you what you made of.
That is the idea of pursuit here.

We are not interesting of pursuit of happiness, that is Allah gave us as side benefit.
We are not interesting in pursuit of cool because cool is lame. Everybody else is loser and you want to be loser like them.
We are not interest in pursuit of popular, because anybody who have not idea of purpose in their life, if you popular in their eyes, you are just dumb as them.
We are not interest in pursuit of prestige because prestige comes from Allah.
Prophet were made homeless, they have prestige.
These messenger were spit on and they have prestige.
We got wrong definition of prestige for so long

Now, for the pursuit of excellence, you are Muslim can not be satisfied with mediocrity.
We can not afford it.
You as believer, as Muslim, have to push yourself to better.
Whatever you’re doing.
If you are memorizing, you could be memorizing better.
If you are studying, you could be studying better.
If you are working, you could be working better.
If you are volunteering, you could be volunteering better.
Push yourself to better.

Push yourself especially when you are young, right now you have time, you don’t have much responsibility.
“But I have homework.”
Yes, that is not too much responsibility.
Responsibility will come when you get married, when you have children.

Right now, you are free.
Right now, you have freedom that will never ever happen in your life.
This is the time to push yourself.
Don’t sit back and play video game.
This is not the time to sit and watch movie, after movie.
This is not the time to be excited about the new avenger, not for you.
You have much bigger things to do.
The entire world is waiting for impact that you will have.
You can’t sit around. Everybody else can and that’s fine.
They don’t have higher pursuit.

You have to be the person of excellence because you are from now thinking about impact.
Every single young men and women should be thinking 
“What did Allah give me? What talent He did give me? What impact will I have in this planet because of it? What I am going to do with it?”
Then as you thinking about that impact and you realize what you really working toward.
You are working toward contentment, meaning with Allah.
There is ultimate truth.
You want to be able to show Allah that you did everything in your potential.
That is you want to be able to do.

You guys should have the best sleeping habits, you should have the best dietary habit, you guys should   have the best exercise schedule, you guys should be the best on your prayer, you guys should be the best on your study.
You should pushing yourself in excellence in every thing you do in life.
Every thing you do in life should be on the top.
You should not be eating junk food.
You should not be laying around, wasting tim.
Yes, you should have good time but when you play, play hard.
People see you, other kids see you, other people in college see you: “I want to be like him. Everything he does is awesome. Everything he does is the best.”
That is what ummah need: people of excellence and these people are going to have impact.

And do you know what? Our parent unfortunately never talk this latter, their highest level was prestige, maybe above prestige, money. That is where ended.
So, the only concern they have for you is prestige and money.
"Get a job so we have prestige! so we can say “Our son has a job. He is a doctor, he is this, he is this”.
And hopefully we will have a lot money so we can show it off.
That is it. That where ended for them.
And that is they talk to you all the time: “Where you going to work? How do you make money? When we buy a house?”
Is not it? Everything is prestige and money. But there are so much more in life. 
What’s above money? Excellence.
Who is going to push you to excellence?
Who’s going to think about impact?
If you all only think about money and prestige, and they died there.


How many Muslim, young men and women have gone and become doctor in Muslim community?
I love picking on doctor because they are so depressed in Muslim community and they become doctor because their daddy and momma told them.
I will not go to you if I have a problem.
I will not, I will rather go to someone who becomes physician because they love helping humanity.
They care. They do not love the next payment that come from insurance company.
You know? People of impact.

Allah said:

Human being will have nothing except the effort he made/the pursuit they had.

The pursuit of happiness.
The pursuit of cool.
The pursuit of popularity
The pursuit of prestige
The pursuit of money
The pursuit of excellence.
The pursuit of impact
The pursuit of truth.
You know the most valuable thing to Allah?
The most valuable thing to Allah of all this is pursuit, not money, not impact, not excellence.
All of those things will come, what Allah want to see from you is what?
Pursuit.

I told you there are prophet that shown in front of Allah on judgment day with how many followers?
Zero!
So they had zero impact but Allah still gave them the highest rank of Jannah. Why?
Because Allah respect their pursuit, their effort.
They are great, they are tough and they went through it.
If you have progress report for Nuh AS every year.
Let’s see growth chart on how many people become Muslim.
Nuh AS’s annual review.
How many people become Muslim every year? 950 years and like blub, the chart is not going like this (up), it is flat, maybe even goes down, people coming close and ran away.
There is no impact.
But you know what will be respected from Nuh AS?
It is his constant, constant, constant pursuit.
We have to internalize this. You guys should be people of pursuit.
We will have nothing in front of Allah if not our pursuit.

Young people listen to me, please think carefully, please think about this: what is your life going to mean?
If your life will be one video game to the next,
If your life will be next episode from the next episode, what are you pursuing?
Who cares if you got trophy on that video game or your 900% on Assassins Creed, who cares? Who cares?
What it is change for the world?
Who cares how many push up that you can do?
You have to think more than that. You have to think higher than that.
And while you were doing that, I will tell you something Allah will give you.
Allah will give you happiness.
When you really have pursuit, then your life mean something, and when your life means something it makes you happy.
When you dont have pursuit, you will not have meaning in your life, and that is why you never happy.
Doesn’t matter how much music you listen to, or how much hanging out you do or how much party you do, you just never happy, you never satisfied.
You always bored, you know not happy with yourself, etc.
This pursuit that you have to internalize.
You young people have to be people of incredible incredible pursuit.
Allah said:

I love this ayah
“That effort soon be seen” (An-Najm:40)

Let me tell you something, when you show your resume.
Somebody graduated from this school, I work here, here, I did this, this and this project.
What you put on your resume?
The result or the pursuit?
You don’t put the pursuit, you put the result.
You put that you graduated, you did not put I really work hard on final semester and I was dying to do this exam.
You don’t put that on resume, you just put I graduated.
Yes or no?
I did this project, this project and this project.
You did not put on your resume how much effort that you make to finish that project, is not it?
And sometimes you put a lot of effort and you don’t pass.
You put incredible amount of effort and it fails or you don’t get degree that you deserve or wanted.
We just see the result.

Human being, we judge each other based on what? Result!
I did not care how much effort you made, you did not get the result! You are fired!
I do not care how much effort you made, you did not pass the test, you are not graduated!
You understand?
But Allah on judgment day is not looking our report card based on result.
Allah is looking at report card based on what? Effort!
Allah said that “his effort/his pursuit that will be shown!"
It will be seen! That is remarkable! Because no other human being in this face of the earth can see my effort.
I can’t see your effort and you can’t see mine.
Only Allah see efforts.
All we see is impact.
All we see are result. We are people of result.
Subhanallah. What incredible master.

Nobody will appreciate your effort except Allah, so never underestimate your effort because other people underestimate them.
People did not appreciate the kind of work that you put in and you figure “Well, I guess it is not worth it.”
It was to Allah. It was to Allah. It was worth it to Allah.

And that part of my talk specifically to the sister because they do a lot of effort and they feel it is not going anywhere, not the guy because the guy don’t do any effort and they feel “I do a lot and I try so hard”.
You guys have to stop lying to yourself, you guys should stop telling yourself you are doing enough.
You have to stop being lazy. Shaitan is destroying you guys. You are so lazy. Stop being lazy.
Stop rationalizing to yourself. Get up and do work! Do more!
If you can’t find a job. Keep going. Keep applying! Keep applying!
Keep talking! Keep networking! Don’t stop and telling “I’ve tried everything and  it did not happen.” No, you did not try everything.
Keep pushing!
This is what you need learn to do!
Learn from your sister, man!
(applause)
Hold on, I am coming to you!
You are not going to be happy after a while.
You know? Your problem...
Forget the pursuit of happiness, your problem is that you always uncertain about yourself.
You are always thinking I am not good enough.
You have to take it easy on yourself.
Not talking to you (to the guys), you are taking easy to yourself already. Masya Allah.
You (to the girls) on the other hand need to chill out.
You need to calm down.

I meet sister who is studying Islam, Quran “but I don’t have a lot of vocabulary, yet”
Yes, relax! You don’t have a lot of vocabulary. It is not the end of the world. Allah is not interesting in your result. He is interesting in what? Your effort! Your effort! Your effort! 
Stop worrying about your result! You worry too much about your result. You worry too much about what you don’t already know, not what you’ve already accomplished. Stop thinking about accomplishment and start thinking about your sincere, genuine, best possible effort and then let me tell you the result from Allah will come, will come puring but on his schedule, not yours.

Two people will make same kind amount of effort and somebody will get the fruit of their labor right away and somebody else will wait for years to see anything. It is in the hands of Allah.
“He gets so many results and I did not get any. We made same amount of effort. This is not fair.”
This is fair because the calendar belongs to Allah and all Allah want to see from you is your effort.

There are two kind of people take same exact test, this happened in my class.
One guy works extra hard, this guys study all night and all day.
He was my friend before he came to the program.
We were friends together and now I am his teacher and I’m telling him “Hey man, let’s go hang out”
“No, I’ve got to study”
“I am your teacher!”
“No, I’ve got to study. There is an exam.”
“I’ve got easy on you. I gave you extra credit. Let’s go play man”
“No, man. I’ve got to study”
This guys study day and night, day and night.
I know the effort he made, people don’t know.
But do you know what? He’s so smart in career, he’s so smart in business, he’s so smart professionally but Allah did not made this guy great in learning Arabic or something.
No matter how much he learn, he could not get high score. He could not barely pass, barely pass every time.
And the kid next to him, super genius, lazy as bum I’ve ever met. This kid is sleeping in the class all day and he gets 99 every time or 100.
It used to make me so mad.
I want to see that kid get zero. I do. I want to see that kid get zero.
The guy who studies until killing himself is failing the test.
I am as the teacher frustrated, imagine the student. I am as the teacher frustrated, how come this kid put no effort and get 100 and this guy put every possible effort and get 0 result.
It seems unfair, but do you know what? 
When both of this people come in front of Allah, and both say “I was learning Arabic for Allah. I was learning Arabic to please You, ya Rabb.”
Allah will said “Okay, let’s see what you did”
The other show 99 and other one show 20.
What most valuable to Allah that day? Oh, that 20 are priceless because Allah is not scoring by number of the page. 
What is He scoring? The effort.
That 99 maybe worth very very little because he did not make much effort to get it. He did not make much effort.

This is how Allah will judge. It is always by quality, not quantity.
People can only judge on quantity.
Allah will judge quality.
Think about quality of work you are doing, the quality of life you are living, the quality of the day you had.
What time did you wake up for fajr this morning?
What kind of breakfast did you eat??
Who did you talk to?
How you did spend your time?
What did you do?
What is quality of your day?

Fix that and insya Allah this ummah has bright future.
Because once you start thinking about the ultimate truth, and you start thinking about the impact, there are going to be ideas that comes out this room, there are going to be creativity that comes out this room, there are going to be project come out this room that are going to changes the world over.
There will be impact the world that like never been impacted before.
That is what the Muslim youth capable of. That is the young believer capable of.
May we have the right pursuit.
May Allah makes these young people the heroes of the ummah, the people of pursuit, and the next generation come back and say “Man, we want to beat them, they are gold standard.”
Barakallah.
Assalamualaikum.

Di Depan Kematian

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Di depan kematian, segala masalah yang kualami saat ini jadi tampak kecil dan sepele sekali.
Will it matter after I died?
Mendengar berita kematian membuatku sadar bahwa aku seharusnya bersyukur bahwa Allah masih memberiku kesempatan untuk beribadah kepadaNya.
Sepertinya aku harus lebih sering mengingat kematian, mengingat bahwa hidup ini cuma mampir.
Semoga aku dan orang-orang yang kucintai bisa meninggal dalam keadaan husnul khatimah.



Image Courtesy of Danist Soh at unsplash.com

7 Buku yang Sebaiknya Dibaca Saat Patah Hati

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Siapa sih yang mau patah hati?
Ngga ada kan?
Tapi sayangnya patah hati merupakan salah satu hal yang terjadi dan harus dihadapi dalam hidup.
Ketika patah hati, ada 7 atau 5 tahapan yang biasa dihadapi, bisa baca The 7 Stages of Grieving a Breakup atau The 5 Stages of Grieving the End of a Relationship
So take it easy on yourself :)

Image Courtesy of Padurariu Alexandru at unsplash.com



Berikut 7 buku pilihan Hana Bilqisthi yang menurut Hana bagus dibaca jika sedang patah hati:

1.       Al- Quran

Kitab suci umat Islam ini adalah surat cinta Allah untuk hambaNya. When our heart feel broken, we need lots of love and we can find lots of love in the Quran. Even better, we find the everlasting love.
Random aja buka dengan niat mencari petunjuk terus baca :D Semua ayat dan surat di Al-Quran bagus. :D Really comforting :'
Tapi kalau bingung mau baca apa, mungkin bisa baca Surat ke-12, Surat Yusuf dan Surat ke-58, Al-Mujadallah. Hana pernah cerita alasan Hana suka surat Yusuf disini. Kalau alasan untuk surat Al-Mujadallah mungkin bisa tonton 2 video keren ini:

atau


2.       Reclaim Your Heart: Personal Insights on Breaking Free from Life's Shackles atau Reclaim Your Heart (Rebut Kembali Hatimu): Wawasan-Mencerahkan tentang Cinta, Duka, dan Bahagia

Buku self-help karangan Yasmin Mogahed ini keren dan membuka mata banget. Selama ini mungkin kita sering mengalami patah hati, kesedihan dan kekecewaan yang berulang dalam hidup dan buku ini berusaha menjelaskan mengapa hal tersebut terjadi dan bagaimana agar kita keluar dari lingkaran tersebut.

“So often we experience things in life, and yet never see the connections between them. When we are given hardship, or feel pain, we often fail to consider that
the experience may be the direct cause or result of another action or experience.
Sometimes we fail to recognize the direct connection
between the pain in our lives and our relationship with Allah SWT”

3.       From MTV to Mecca: How Islam Inspired My Life atau A Thousand Miles of Faith: Perjalanan Seorang VJ MTV Eropa Menemukan Hidayah Islam

Buku ini menceritakan bagaimana Kristiane Backer, VJ MTV Eropa dalam mengenal, menemukan dan jatuh cinta pada Islam. Kristiane Backer sempat berpikir bahwa pendamping hiduplah yang dia butuhkan, ternyata Tuhan lah yang hilang dalam hidupnya. Ada beberapa patah hati yang dia alami, termasuk perceraian ,tapi tidak membuatnya kapok menikah/menjalin hubungan.

‘All loves are a bridge to  Divine love.
Yet, those who have not had a taste of it do not know!’

4.       Attachment
Novel karangan Rainbow Rowell ini menceritakan kisah cinta sebelum pandangan pertama, karakter cowok utamanya Lincon, security internet officer, jatuh cinta pada Beth karena membaca email antara Beth dan sahabatnya Jennifer.
Mengapa ini bagus dibaca saat patah hati?
Ini bakalan spoiler sih. Hehe
Well, Ceritanya seru, fun, dan lucu.
It teach you to let go the wrong one.
Lincon sangat mencintai cinta pertamanya sekaligus pacarnya ketika SMA, Sam.

I couldn't love anyone more than I do you, it would kill me. And I couldn't love anyone less because it would always feel like less. Even if I loved some other girl, that's all I would ever think about, the difference between loving her and loving you.

Sayangnya ketika menjalani LDR saat mereka berdua duduk di bangku kuliah, Sam selingkuh dan memutuskannya.


Beth, sangat mencintai pacarnya, Chris, dan telah bersama hingga 8 tahun.

He never hurries. He never shows his cards. He always hangs up first....Like when we first started talking on the phone, he would always be the one who got off first. When we kissed, he always pulled away first. He always kept me just on the edge of crazy. Feeling like I wanted him too much, which just made me want him more....[It was] excruciating and wonderful. It feels good to want something that bad. I thought about him the way you think about dinner when you haven't eaten for a day and a half. Like you'd sell your soul for it.”

Beth menunggu dan berharap Chris melamarnya, yang sayangnya tidak juga terjadi.

I’m not married. I’m not even close. Even if I were to break up with Chris tomorrow and meet someone new the very next day, my plan still wouldn’t be salvageable. It would take a year or two to figure out whether we were right for each other, at least six months to be engaged …That puts me at 31, 32 before I can get pregnant.

And that’s being overly optimistic. If I broke up with Chris tomorrow, I’d be a mess for a year (30).

Membaca novel ini membuat Hana berpikir bahwa terkadang kita harus melalui hubungan yang buruk atau yang membuat patah hati sehingga kita belajar beberapa hal, dan suatu saat seseorang akan datang dan made you realized why it never work out with anyone else before.

Pelajaran lain: If you could love the wrong one that much, Imagine when you meet the right one?

We dont have to rush everything. If it meant to be, it will mean to be.

5.       Skip Beat Manga
Merasa pernah mencintai seseorang dan bahkan rela melakukan apa saja untuknya, namun he/she is taken you for granted? Well, manga ini cocok untukmu, mungkin kalian bisa ikut merasakan yang Kyoko alami.

Kyouko Mogami lived solely for her childhood friend Shoutaro "Shou" Fuwa. She follows Shou to Tokyo so that he may realize his dream of becoming a famous singer. When his dream is realized, Kyouko overhears the truth behind his decision to bringing her with him: he was using her as a maid.

Shocked and enraged, Kyouko swears to take revenge by outdoing him in show business. With a new look and a new attitude, she joins LME, the agency where Ren Tsuruga (Shou's rival and the #1 actor of LME) works, in the hopes of achieving her goal of destroying Shou's pride.

Along the way, she discovers her true self, makes new friends (and enemies), and finds herself at the heart of some interesting situations that will change her life, and the lives of all others involved, forever.

Image from Hana Yume Official website



6.       Naruto Manga
Yes, kamu ngga salah baca. Meski ini shonen manga, aku merekomendasikan Naruto untuk dibaca saat patah hati.
Naruto menyukai teman satu timnya, Sakura, meski mengetahui Sakura menyukai Sasuke.
Suka sama sikap positif Naruto yang mencintai Sakura sepenuh hati, meski akhirnya ngga berakhir sama Sakura. 
Image download from Mangahere Facebook Fanpage


Naruto ngga menyesal pernah suka sama Sakura dan bahagia saat melihat Sakura bahagia. Naruto akhirnya menikah dengan Hinata, cewek yang diam-diam mencintainya.

Lesson learned: “Jika kamu tidak bersama dengan orang yang kamu doakan, mungkin kamu akan bersama seseorang yang diam-diam menyebut namamu dlm doanya.”

Kalau Naruto aja bisa move on dari Sakura, kita juga harusnya bisa! Dattebayo!

7.       Hirunaka no ryuusei
Shizuku atau Chun-chun jatuh cinta sama teman pamannya sekaligus wali kelasnya, Shisio. Terlepas Shisio dan Chun-chun saling menyukai satu sama lain, sayangnya mereka tidak dapat bersama. Mungkin kalian pernah mengalaminya, meski sama-sama saling menyukai, kalian tidak melihat masa depan dalam hubungan kalian. Menarik melihat bagaimana Shisio dan Chun-chun move on dari satu sama lain.

Image download from we heart it


Beberapa quotes yang bagus:

I knew this was a losing battle. Even though the outcome was obvious, I still wanted to bet on that one millimeter of a possibility. -Shisio

To turn someone down and to be turned down by someone... To be hurt by someone and to hurt someone... A love where no one gets hurt doesn't exist. -Suzume

The fun things, the painful things, the things that happened, the things we've cried about, the things we've smiled about, when we remember them, everything will be glittering.

Whether we move forward or stop, we're going in different directions little by little. -Suzume

There were many tears, many unsure times, and many troubled moments. The fun memories were only a few, but even so, those memories will shine bright like stardust and continue to shine on in my heart. -Suzume



Well, selamat membaca! Semoga berhasil melewati atau menyelesaikan salah satu chapter dalam hidupmu! 
Good luck! Semoga Allah membukan jalan untukmu!

Karawang, Bekasi, Rengasdengklok

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16 Agustus 2015

Waktu menunjukkan pukul 09.00 pagi, aku melangkah gontai menuju kamar mandi. Aku harus bersiap-siap untuk pergi liqo pukul satu siang nanti di Depok. Kemarin sebelum memutuskan pulang ke Karawang dari Tanah Abang, aku sudah bertekad akan pergi ke Depok pada hari minggu untuk liqo tapi entahlah sepertinya aku sudah merasa nyaman dengan kondisi libur di rumah. Saat ini, aku kehilangan semangatku. Rasanya malas untuk pergi. Aku membayangkan betapa menyenangkan merebahkan diriku ke kasur, bermalas-malasan membaca komik/novel/menonton film.

Aku menggelengkan kepalaku. Ini tidak baik. Aku harus melawan rasa malasku. Sudah lama aku tidak liqo. Minggu lalu, aku sudah tidak ikut liqo karena arisan keluarga besar. Dua minggu sebelumnya, murrabiku meminta kami menghadiri seminar yang diadakan oleh MTQ MN sebagai pengganti liqo, tetapi aku memilih bolos. Tiga minggu sebelumnya, aku menghadiri acara lamaran sepupuku. Dan sebulan yang lalu masih libur lebaran. See? sudah lama aku tidak liqo, tidak baik bolos hanya karena malas.

Umi memintaku kembali bertanya kepada murrabiku apakah liqonya jadi, beliau khawatir aku sudah jauh-jauh ke Depok tapi malah batal. Aku berusaha menelepon tapi tidak juga diangkat. Aku mengirim wa dan juga tidak menunjukkan pesanku terkirim dan dibaca.Beberapa hari lalu, aku sudah bertanya apakah akan ada liqo minggu ini dan murrabiku menjawab iya. Sudahlah, kurasa tidak perlu lagi bertanya.

Pukul 10.00 WIB, aku dan keluargaku berangkat dari rumah dan kali ini yang menyetir adalah adikku Huang. Bismillah. Rencananya keluargaku akan mengantarku hingga statiun bekasi, dari sana aku akan naik KRL menuju Depok. Kali ini aku bisa tertidur dengan cepat di dalam mobil, sepertinya aku sudah tidak se-excited itu melihat adikku menyetir.

Kami tiba di statiun bekasi pukul 12.00 WIB. Sebelum turun dari mobil, umi memintaku memastikan apakah liqonya jadi atau tidak. Aku sudah membaca pesan bahwa beberapa temanku minta maaf tidak bisa hadir dan memperkirakan berarti liqo kali ini akan sepi tapi seharusnya itu tidak menyurutkan semangatku untuk pergi (meski kenyataannya, iya).  Kurasa lebih baik aku pergi.

Saat sudah tiba di Jatinegara, aku menerima pesan dari murrabiku kalau dia sakit dan meminta maaf sepertinya liqo diliburkan. Setelah mendengar kabar tersebut, aku berusaha menelepon umi dan mencari tahu apakah keluarga sudah jauh, jika belum terlalu jauh aku akan meminta jemput tapi jika sudah jauh, aku akan mencoba pulang sendiri. Sayangnya tidak diangkat.

Lima menit kemudian umi menelepon, aku memberi tahu bahwa liqoku batal dan bertanya apakah umi bisa menjemputku. Umi bertanya aku sudah sampai mana, kujawab manggarai. Umi memintaku untuk menunggu di tempat tadi umi menurunkanku.

Sesampai di manggarai aku merasa lapar, karena aku memang belum makan siang tapi aku takut keretanya ke arah bekasi datang. Saat mendengar pengumuman bahwa kereta ke bekasi masih di Juanda, aku bergegas membeli Roti O dan green tea latte di Sevel. Tak sampai semenit selesai berbelanja, keretanya datang. Alhamdulillah aku berhasil masuk kereta. Aku mendengar pengumuman bahwa kereta ke bekasi selanjutnya masih di Jakarta Kota.


Di kereta, aku mengirim pesan meminta maaf. Aku merasa bersalah. Aku dapat membayangkan  bagaimana adikku Huang menggerutu.

Aku tiba kembali di statiun bekasi pukul 13.40 WIB, tapi tidak menemukan mobil keluargaku. Aku melihat ada panggilan tidak terjawab dari umi. Aku menelepon memberi tahu bahwa aku sudah sampai dan bertanya umi ada dimana, umi menjawab bahwa mereka sedang shalat dan aku diminta menunggu. Kebetulan, aku sedang tidak shalat (haid). Aku menunggu cukup lama hingga pukul 14.30 tapi mengingat keluargaku masih mau menjemputku setelah kurepotkan, kurasa aku tidak berani mengeluh.

Aku meminta maaf begitu masuk mobil, umi bercerita dengan nada bercanda bahwa tadinya umi ingin menjawab pesanku dengan kalimat “tiada maaf bagimu” tapi dilarang oleh Bapak. Bapak mengingatkan umi bahwa aku ini serius, nanti aku malah pulang sendiri. Aku terkejut Bapak mengenalku cukup baik karena memang itulah yang akan aku lakukan jika mendapat pesan seperti itu.

I almost take everything seriously kecuali kalian memberi tahuku bahwa kalian sedang bercanda atau aku menggolongkan kalian sebagai orang-orang yang suka bercanda. Aku makin merasa bersalah saat Umi bercerita bahwa tadi saat aku menelepon, keluargaku sudah sampai pintu Tol Karawang Barat.

Aku kemudian bercerita kronologis pembatalan liqoku di mobil. Huang dan Memey berkomentar bahwa jika mereka menjadi aku, mereka sudah memilih bolos dari awal. Bapak kemudian bercerita tentang adengan yang biasa terjadi saat pulang nanti bertemu Uwa (kakak dari umiku) yang menjadi tetangga kami. “Uwa, uwa tahu ngga wa? Tadi kita liburan jauh sekali. Ke Bekasi. Kita bolak-balik Karawang Bekasi”. Bapak kemudian terkekeh.

Begitu keluar pintu tol Bekasi, adikku Huang mendapat telepon dari penyalur yang membantunya mencari kerja untuk mengisi formulir. Huang memberi tahu bahwa dia sedang di Bekasi dan kemungkinan akan tiba di Karawang sore.

Ternyata tempat penyalur Huang ada di Rengasdengklok, maka kami pun ke Rengasdengklok. Saat di perjalanan, Bapak bertanya mengenai rencana belajar menyetir Memey karena sebenarnya rencana awal adalah setelah mengantarku ke Bekasi tadi, Bapak akan mengajari Memey menyetir. Memey bilang lebih baik mendahulukan urusan Kakak.

Di perjalanan pulang kami melihat iring-iringan pawai menyambut 17 Agustusan. Umiku mempertanyakan apakah pawai dapat membangkitkan semangat nasionalisme, aku menjawab mungkin iya bagi sebagian orang dan tidak bagi sebagian lain. Tiap orang kan berbeda-beda. Memey mendukung pendapatku dengan melontarkan pendapat bahwa keluarga kami ini terjangkit magerism (males gerak). Aku nyengir mendengarnya.

Kemudian di Jalan kami juga bertemu penjual jagung rebus dan kacang kedelai rebus. Memey berteriak menyampaikan keinginan untuk membeli. Kami membeli 2 jagung rebus dan 2 ikat kacang kedelai rebus. Memey berteriak girang Edamame dan menceritakan bahwa sudah lama dia menginginkan kacang kedelai rebus. Dia bilang ternyata ada bagusnya aku batal liqo karena akhirnya dia bisa menikmati kacang kedelai rebus. Aku juga menikmati kacang kedelai rebus ini. :D


Alhamdulillah :D  

Untuk Satu Jam Bersama Abi

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“Lebaran kali ini mau pergi ke Abi ngga, Je?” tanya Umi dari ujung handphone pada h-5 lebaran.
Aku langsung membayangkan lama dan macetnya perjalanan dari Karawang ke Tegal jika pergi saat lebaran.
“Ngga.” Jawabku
“Kenapa?”
“Males ah. Ke tegal kan lama, belum macetnya.”
“Tapi sekarang kan ada tol cipali. Mungkin sekarang cuma 2 jam ke Tegal.”
Aku terhenyak. Aku lupa sama tol cipali yang baru dibuka dan bagaimana tol tersebut bisa membatu mempersingkat waktu perjalanan.
Anehnya, alih-alih menjawab ya, aku mendengar mulutku kembali mengucapkan “Ngga”
Kebiasan menolak tawaran membuat mulutku otomatis menjawab ngga.
“Ya udah, Umi juga tadi tanya Kakak (adik gue, Huang dipanggil Kakak di rumah), dia juga ngga mau.”
..
Malam harinya aku memikirkan kembali percakapan di telepon dengan umi. Aku jadi teringat selama ini beberapa kali Abi selalu menelpon atau sms memintaku untuk pergi mengunjunginya ke Tegal jika sedang libur. Aku menjawab ya atau terdiam tapi aku tidak pergi juga mengunjunginya. Muncul perasaan tidak enak dan bersalah dalam hatiku.  
Baiklah sebaiknya lebaran kali ini aku mengunjungi Abi.

Keesokan harinya saat aku hendak menelepon Umi untuk memberi tahu bahwa aku berubah pikiran, Umi meneleponku terlebih dahulu dan mengatakan bahwa Kakak berubah pikiran. Dia ingin ke Tegal mengunjungi Abi. Aku katakan pada umiku bahwa akupun berubah pikiran. Umiku kemudian mengusulkan agar ke Tegal pada hari kedua lebaran, aku pun menyetujuinya.
..
Pada H2 Lebaran, kami sekeluarga (aku, ayah tiriku, umi, huang dan memey) berangkat pergi ke Tegal sekitar jam 9 pagi. Sebelum berangkat, Om Agus menyarankan kami untuk masuk tol karawang timur dan mencoba melihat apakah tol cipali macet, jika iya, kami bisa keluar tol cikopo dan kemudian masuk jalur pantura. Tapi di mobil, umi menentang ide tersebut, menurut beliau lebih baik macet-macetan di tol dibanding jalur pantura karena di tol, mobil hanya bertemu mobil sementara di jalan pantura, ada kemungkinan bertemu motor dan kendaran lain.  

Beberapa bagian jalan tol di cipali hanya dibeton tapi tidak diaspal sehingga memunculkan bunyi gesekan ban yang lebih keras. Meski begitu, perjalanan berjalan cukup lancar. Macet hanya dialami saat hendak masuk pintu tol.

Saat jalur terbagi dua jalur dan ada tulisan belok kiri ke pejagan, sementara lurus ke arag Semarang/Tegal, aku pun meminta bapak untuk lurus. Umi meminta Bapak untuk belok karena menurut umi harusnya kita melalui tol pejagan, nanti keluar di brebes kemudian ke tegal. Bapak sudah terlanjur mengambil lurus dan tidak dapat berbelok lagi sehingga mobil mengikuti petunjuk untuk lurus. Betapa kagetnya kami karena tidak lama kami melihat jalan yang masih berupa tanah merah, ada pemberitahuan untuk menyalakan lampu hazard dan batas maksimum mengemudi 40 km/jam. Ternyata kami melewati tol yang masih dalam tahap pembangunan dan sepertinya dibuka untuk mengurai kemacetan. Jalan menjadi penuh kepulan debu.

Umiku mengomel dan berkata seharusnya tadi kami nurut untuk berbelok, aku mengatakan pada umiku bahwa berdasarkan google map jika memilih belok, kami akan terjebak macet. Di google map menunjukkan bahwa warna merah di belokan dan Huang bilang warna jalan merah berarti macet, sementara jalan kami belum ada di google map. Jika melihat mobil di google map, kami seolah berjalan di antara rumah-rumah penduduk.

Adikku memey memilih merekam perjalanan kami dan mengunggahnya di snapchat. Dia dengan nada bersemangat mengatakan yang kami alami mirip interstellar. Di adegan awal interstellar ada adegan para pemerannya naik mobil melewati badai pasir. Nah yang kami alami kira-kira mirip seperti itu. Bukan adegan yang pergi ke luar angkasanya kok. Hehe. Aku bersyukur memey bisa melihat sisi positif dari kejadian ini. Alhamdulillah.

video




Kami melihat banyak mobil yang berdebu akibat melalui jalan ini sehingga kami tertawa dan kemudian menyadari jangan-jangan mobil kami juga berdebu parah dan orang-orang lain tertawa ketika melihat mobil kami.

Beberapa kali kami berpikir untuk kembali pindah ke jalan biasa. Saat melihat di google map bahwa seharusnya ada jalan lain, ternyata jalan yang kami lalui sudah menjadi semacam jalan layang atau jembatan sehingga sama saja kami menjatuhkan diri jika memilih jalan yang lain.

Ketika berhasil keluar dari tol tersebut ternyata perjalanan belum usai, kami ditahan hampir satu jam karena jalannya sedang dibuka tutup oleh polisi.

Kami berhenti sejenak di sebuah mushala sebelum menuju Abi. Alhamdulillah akhirnya kami tiba pukul 2 siang di Pool Bus PO Dewi Sri dan mendapati bahwa Abi tidak ada, entah beliau sudah pulang atau pergi ke bosnya.

Aku dan Huang  mencoba menelepon, tapi  tidak diangkat, mengirim sms Abi tapi tidak dibalas.
Setengah jam kemudian akhirnya abi datang. Ternyata handphone Abi secara misterius berubah menjadi mode silent padahal beliau tidak mengubahnya seperti itu dan kemudian meminta tolong Huang untuk mengubah mode telepon kembali menjadi normal.

Memey bertanya kepada abi mengenai kesibukan Abi dan kemudian Abi bertanya tentang kuliah memey. Abi juga bertanya tentang perusahaan yang Huang lamar. Aku bertanya pada Abi mengenai kiriman majalah dan buku yang kukirim pada beliau dan kemudian beliau bertanya balik mengapa aku sekarang jarang mengirimi majalah. Aku cuma menjawab Hehe.

Aku menatap abi dan menyadari Abi melewatkan banyak hal dalam hidupku. Ada banyak hal yang ingin kuceritakan. Ingin rasanya melakukan perbincangan berdua antara ayah dan anak.

Akhirnya kami foto-foto dan kemudian pamit pulang. Kami hanya menghabiskan satu jam bersama Abi.



Di perjalanan pulang, Bapak (ayah tiriku) berharap tahun depan adikku Huang atau memey sudah dapat mengemudikan mobil sehingga mungkin lebaran tahun depan hanya kami bertiga yang mengunjungi Abi.   
amin.

Alhamdulillah aku bersyukur masih memiliki keluarga dan masih diberi kesempatan bertemu Abi, memiliki ayah tiri yang mau mengantar anak-anak tirinya menemui ayah kandung mereka. Terima kasih banyak ya Allah. :D



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