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Lie I Told Myself


Assalamualaikum Guys! 😊💕❤️⁣⁣
QOTD: What lies that you told yourself but you don't realize it is lies later on? ⁣⁣
I read What I know for sure by Oprah Winfrey and she quotes Don Miguel - The Four Agreements⁣⁣
“Ninety-five percent of the beliefs we have stored in our minds are nothing but lies, and we suffer because we believe all these lies.”⁣⁣
Reading the quotes remind me that I used to believe my background come from Broken homes family as weakness/imperfections. ⁣⁣
If you knew/follow me long enough, you probably knew my parents divorced. ⁣⁣
So, Whenever I got rejected in taaruf (Arranged marriage) process, I often wonder "Do they reject me because I am from Broken Home family and worry that if marry me, the marriage will end up in divorce?"
While I have accepted my parents divorce and became peace with it after long process denial, somehow I still felt ashamed and worried about others people's opinions. ⁣⁣
Until I met my husband. ⁣⁣
My husband read my personal blog ⁣⁣
,where it is basically my online diary, so he knew my parents are divorced. ⁣⁣
I asked him "Why you want to be with me if you knew my parents divorced/I came from broken home family?" ⁣⁣
He said "You can't have perfect partner/You can't have it all. So after thinking hard, I decided 5 important qualities that my partner must have, and you have those qualities, the rest doesn't matter" ⁣⁣
When my husband said that it like there is light in my head, like "So all these time, I worry over nothing. My broken home family background doesn't matter at all. Why I considered them as weakness? All these time I was suffering because I have false believe/lies I told my self. Is not it funny?"😂🀣🀣⁣⁣
Now, I am really thankful that Allah has opened my eyes and show me that I had false beliefs that made me suffer and relieve me from the suffering.⁣⁣
So, I hope you guys are relieved from any suffering that you are going through. Hope Allah give you strength to go through all of this. Wish you all the best. Sending you guys love hug ❤️💕💕💕⁣⁣
Hope you have a great day! 😘⁣⁣

How I Meet My Husband

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash
If my life story is genre, it probably a comedy.
The funny thing was in the beginning of 2018
I made resolution to focus on myself and
stop searching husband or involved in taaruf.

After countless marriage meeting/blind date,
I decided to give up.
The guy I have met either feel intimidated
because I am smart or I met the smart one
but want a wife who become housewife.
I wonder is there any man out there who smart,
hold conservative religious value
while also feminist?
The one who agree that his wife can work?

I said to my self: Let's give up on marriage.
I mean what the worst thing happened
if I am not married/forever single?
Well, my life probably the same.
Me, work, friends and my books.
Is it bad life?
No, it is not bad, it is enough and great life.
I have everything that I need.
Why I eager to have husband?

Then that question hit me, at that moment,
I realize I've been getting message that
only the married one that can go to heaven
and marriage kinda solve all problems.
But is it true? I asked to myself
No, I don't think so.
I don't recall the requirement to go to heaven
is marriage status.
Yeay! I am happy that I still have a chance
to go to heaven despite being single.
Then I prayed to Allah,
I asked Him to make me happy
and accept my single life
and help me to go to heaven.

Five days after I made that decision,
I got an email from a guy named Mufid.
We are Facebook friend and
alumni from same university
He said he like my personal blog
and want to get to know me more.
I replied asking what does he mean as getting to know more.
Does he want to know me as a friend
or as a future husband.
(I need to make sure his intention
so I can manage my expectation
and not become victim of false hope, okay?)

He replied he want to know me as future husband.
I smiled.

The funny thing is in 2016,
I was thinking to ask Mufid for marriage meeting.
I enjoy his meme posts and predict that
we have same kind sense of humor.

The letter I sent to him would be like

"Assalamualaikum Mufid, my name is Hana.
I enjoyed your Facebook meme post
and think that we have same kind sense of humor.
Do you interest to go to taaruf with me?"

But then I think again, is it good decision to choose a guy
as husband candidate based on his sense of humor?
Hmm.. I afraid not, so I tossed the idea.

So I can't believe my eyes when I got his email two years later in 2018, 
but his reasons is better than mine.

So we exchange CV (Curriculum Vitae)
and promised to meet next weekend.

When we met, we use 36 questions
plus some other to get know each other.
I knew these question from New York Times article
while Mufid have read the journal.
I was shook. I did not know there is the journal and
someone who is not from psychology background read it.
(FYI, Mufid is not from psychology faculty)

We took turns asking and answering the questions.
These questions help make us get to know faster.
You guys can see the questions here or here.
I must state there is no key answers nor
tips how to match your answer with your potential spouse/partner.
They are open questions.

Most of the time,I enjoyed talk to him
until the perfect day question came up.
I describe my perfect day as having waffle
or pancake as breakfast and
he commented that my behavior as "hedon" /extravagant.
After talking further, I realize we have different opinion
regarding how to spend money.
He is saver and I am spender.

After finishing asking and answering all questions,
I told him that I enjoyed talking to him but if we get married,
there is high probability that we will get divorce
because our view about money.
He said I should not said that and
he believe our difference is something can be work out
if we have good communication skills

When I got home, I search articles that proves that
money is one of big factor for divorce
and send him those links.
He replied "Is there any couple who managed
successfully happily married
despite their money spending habit difference?"

His question is eye opening because
I have been reading lot articles
about factor that lead to divorce, 

tips how happily married
but I suddenly realize I never come across that kind article
or search that kind article.

So I started looking article about money difference
and I found many.
At that time, it come to me that
there are lot saver and spender marriage.
Their stories is eye opening and give me hope.
Their stories made me know what expectation to put,
imagine what kind conflict that will happen and how to resolve it.

When I told this story to my friends,
most of them commented that
"Is not spender and saver marriage is perfect combination?
You complete each other?"
Well I did not think that way.
I have seen how my parent marriage fell apart
because money issues
and I do not want it happen to me too.
So since I am spender, I kinda think it it is better to find another spender.

But after reading article about money and relationship,
I realize if I marrying another spender,
it does not mean my marriage will not have any money problems.
There will be a problem but different kind one.

After that, we talked again to find out how to make our relationship work.
We came up with an agreement,
ex: One of our agreement is we can spend money without telling each other
if the amount is below IDR 250k but if the amount is greater than IDR 250K,
we have to ask permission.

Looking back, I though our problem did not have solution.
I am glad I was wrong this time around.

What I love being relationship with Mufid is he is optimistic
and his optimistic is contagious
and I love that we both try hard to understand each other and came up with solution. 

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

Pengalaman Pre-marital Check Up di RS Mitra Keluarga Depok


Assalamualaikum Good People, apa kabar? Long time, no see! :D

Kali ini, Hana akan bercerita pengalaman Pre-marital Check Up di RS Mitra Keluarga Depok.

Pada hari Sabtu lalu tanggal 24 Februari 2018, Hana bersama calon suami Hana, Mufid pergi melakukan pre-marital check up di RS Mitra Keluarga Depok.

Biaya pre-marital check up di RS Mitra Keluarga Depok selama 2018 adalah Rp 990.000 untuk pria dan Rp 3.090.000 untuk wanita. Namun, di tanggal 14 Februari hingga 14 Maret lalu ada promo valentine sehingga biayanya Rp 693.000 untuk pria dan Rp 2.163.000 untuk wanita.

Untuk alasan kenapa perlu pre-marital check up, bisa baca

Sebelumnya Mufid telah membuat janji terlebih dulu ke RS Mitra Depok via telp tanggal 21 Februari,  administrasi sisanya diselesaikan pas hari H. Selesai telp, Mufid memberi tahu persiapan pre-marital check up bahwa kami berdua diminta berpuasa (tidak makan dari jam 8 malam, boleh minum hanya air putih)  dan untuk Hana: tidak dalam keadaan haid. Kalau haid, maka nanti perlu reschedule.
Tadinya mau sekalian vaksin HPV tapi ternyata untuk vaksin: enggak bisa sekalian, perlu konsultasi dari dokter dulu. Hasil MCUnya bisa diambil minggu depannya. Plus, sama ketemu dokter di minggu depannya. Kalau mau vaksin HPV, harus cek pap smear dulu.

Berikut jenis tes/pemeriksaan pre marital check up yang ada di RS Mitra Keluarga Depok:
Pra Nikah Wanita

1. Pemeriksaan Fisik oleh Dokter Umum

2. Konseling dengan Psikolog

3. Konsultasi dengan Dokter Spesialis Kandungan & Kebidanan

4. USG Kandungan

5. Laboratorium

Darah Lengkap, Gula Darah Puasa, Gula Darah PP, Golongan Darah & Rhesus, HbsAg, Anti Hbs, VDRL
Anti Toxoplasma (IgM, IgC), Anti Rubella (IgM, IgC), Anti CMVÂ (IgM, IgC)

Pemeriksaan Optional
 -Anti HIV
 -Anti HCV Total (Hepatitis C)

Pra Nikah Pria

1. Pemeriksaan Fisik oleh Dokter Umum 

2. Konseling dengan Psikolog

3. Laboratorium

Darah Lengkap, Gula Darah Puasa, Gula Darah PP, Golongan Darah & Rhesus, HbsAg, Anti Hbs, VDRL

Pemeriksaan Optional
 -Anti HIV
 -Anti HCV Total (Hepatitis C)

Kami tiba di rumah sakit pukul 08.30 WIB, antri untuk pengisian formulir.
Saat mengisi formulir, kami diberi tahu bahwa kami belum dijadwalkan konsultasi dengan psikolog dan bertanya apakah kami akan tetap mempertahankan komponen tersebut, jika tidak, biayanya akan dikurangi. Biaya konsultasi psikolog itu Rp 300.000/orang. Kami memutuskan untuk tidak ikut konsultasi dengan psikolog. Selain itu, kami juga diberi tahu bahwa untuk paket promo tidak termasuk Pemeriksaan Optional Anti HIV dan Anti HCV Total (Hepatitis C). Mendengar hal tersebut, kami sempat berpikir untuk batal pakai paket promo. Akan tetapi, pihak rumah sakit menyarakan jika tidak ada histori premarital seks dan pemakaian jarum suntik maka tidak masalah jika tidak ada pemeriksaan optional sehingga kami pun tetap memilih paket promo.

Selesai administrasi, kami kembali mengantri dan kemudian dipanggil untuk disuntik untuk pengambilan darah. Nama kami dipanggil satu-satu, dimulai dari aku kemudian Mufid.
Selesai pengambilan darah, Mufid bilang dia menyesal tidak menawari diri untuk menemaniku tapi aku jawab tidak perlu.

Kemudian kami diberi voucher untuk sarapan di kantin dan kami mendapat menu roti selai strawberry, susu manis (kayaknya susu Dancow), dan telur rebus. Saat makan, Mufid bilang akan dilakukan pengambilan darah lagi dua jam setelah makan, untuk mengetes gula darah.  elesai makan, kami mengantri lagi untuk konsultasi dokter umum. Dokternya ramah. Sebelum melakukan pemeriksaan, kami ditanya histori riwayat penyakit seperti: pernah operasi/dirawat tidak, alergi, penyakit turunan yang diderita ortu.

Selesai diperiksa oleh dokter umum, Hana diperiksa oleh dokter kandungan. Pas di dokter kandungan, Hana ditanya terakhir haid kapan dan siklus haid hana. Hana jawab terakhir haid akhir Januari dan siklus haid hana biasanya 30-40 hari. Seneng banget pas dokter bilang kalau siklus Hana tersebut masih normal. Kata Dokternya siklus haid normal jaraknya 28-42 hari. Soalnya selama ini Hana mengira siklus Hana ga normal karena jaraknya lebih dari 28 hari. Kemudian rahim Hana di USG dan kata dokter rahimnya normal dan bersih. Yeay! Alhamdulillah :D Terus dokternya juga tanya tanggal menikah dan menyarankan Hana untuk minum asam folat 3 bulan sebelum menikah dan olahraga rutin.

Selesai dari dokter kandungan, kembali dilakukan tes pengambilan darah lagi. Setelah itu,  pre-marital check up pun selesai dan alhamdulillah kami diberi voucher makan siang di kantin :D Mba resepsionisnya bilang hasil MCU bisa diambil 3-4 hari. Tanggal 27 Februari, kami mendapat SMS pemberitahuan bahwa hasil MCU sudah bisa diambil dan kami sepakat untuk mengambil berdua di hari Sabtu tanggal 3 Maret 2017.

Hasilnya alhamdulillah kami berdua sehat dan disarankan untuk melakukan vaksin hepatitis B. Tadinya mau langsung vaksin, tapi ternyata untuk vaksin harus antri ulang, jadinya kami memutuskan untuk melakukan vaksin di lain hari karena kami sudah datang terlalu siang.
Dokternya bilang biaya vaksin hepatitis B sebesar Rp 150.000 dan vaksin HPV Rp 1.500.000 dan vaksinnya dilakukan pada bulan 0, 1 dan 6.

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