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Natural (Taken for Granted)

On 15th May morning, when i went to my internship place (Embassy of India), 
i found out that assistant of kopaja driver, that i rode,  is mute. 
Usually the duty of assistant of kopaya driver are collecting money,shout the destination place and tell the driver when a/some passanger want to stop. So i was surprised when i saw mute assistant of kopaja driver. he just made sounds Eeeh, sounded like whimpering cry for me 

Kopaja driver seems impatient with this assistant, few times I heard the assistant is subject to anger. I guess I can understand why the driver is angry, he is angry because it takes more effort in communicating to his assistant. I'm sad to see it , feel sorry for the assistant and start to wonder
Why he chose to become a assistant ?
What event and path that lead him until he became assistant?
From what i observed, the assistant often laughed strangely.
I again wondered what made him so tough until he is able to laugh?
because I knew it would be difficult for me if I were in his position.
I mean how to express and respond to the world when they don’t understand you?
through sign language? I am afraid not everyone can understand .
through writing ? it will be time-consuming .

Whatever it is, I suddenly felt that i ungrateful.  I often take my ability to hear and speak  for granted.  I thought it was a natural thing that I often forget to thank God.
Good heavens .
Praise to Allah for this blessing

I hope i can be grateful servant.

Baca versi bahasa Indonesia, disini

Mulligan, The Second Chance

Mulligan in a golf game, happens when a player gets a second chance to perform a certain move or action. The practice is also sometimes referred to as a "do-over."

I hated Abi (father) because to me he was not a good father

My father is not perfect , he did not work like other fathers , did not care, did not play with his children , rarely present ( as it does not matter ) , and many others

Until one day I discovered my father fell ill
that moment I realized , I hate him because I love him
I have a lot of hope and expectation to him , but a lot of them did not come true
leaving  my disappointment piled , I did not forgive him and then it turned into hatred

Then one day, I read  Tere Liye's facebook status
 "We can not choose our parents , can not choose born from a wealthy family , king , handsome - beautiful parents and etc. But it does not mean we can not choose to be grateful at this time. There is always a reason why we live this way. And if we do not understand , then it does not mean God is not fair .- Tere Liye , the novel " Rembulan Tenggelam Di Wajahmu " 
After I read the facebook status, I am aware of one thing : our parents are God's destiny and choice. 
God knows the best for us. God can not be wrong in choosing our parents.
The best and most suitable father for me by God is abi.

I thought I would give it a second chance and try to forgive Abi.
I try to look my father’s positive side so I can see him in positive light.
The things that I admire about my father are he is diligent in prayer (he pray 5 times a day), read quran diligently, often go to the mosque , choose a good mother to her children ( umiku ), he remained in Islam , he was not drunk, alcoholic, gambler , smoker neither do domestic violence

I guess if my dad is perfect, I might have loved him so much and maybe I 'll love him so much and it exceeds my love of God
"A father could be God for his children when all affairs met with ease. Without a struggle . " - Yusuf Mansur .. "

When I think I gave my dad a second chance, God remind me quite politely.
He reminds me of the command that the child should be devote (honour and obey) to both parents. The command is not saying "devote to your parents if your parents are kind to you."
The command does not imply any order requirements / criteria that must be adhered to parents. 
The command is telling me as a child to serve/devote to parent, however the condition of the parents. 

Even in Islam , if our parents are non Muslim, the obligation to honour and obey their parents remain as the obligation of a child, as long as the parents do not make the child disobey Allah and do  things that are contrary to Islam.

I suddenly embarrassed. I was arrogant. Astagfirullah!
I thought when I gave my dad a second chance to be a good father ,my father should thank me.
It turns out I was wrong.  I am the one who should be thankful because God gave me a second chance to be a dutiful daughter to my parents.
thank you very much , O God
: ' D

Another important lesson is when I am trying forgive my father, I am also trying heal my wound and forgiving my self.

"... But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not." (Q.S. Al-Baqarah: 216)

video with similar message:

baca versi bahasa indonesia, disini

Only a Matter of Time (Afraid)

you say I'm always in a hurry
express my love in hurry
ask you to marry, also in hurry
do you know love, I'm afraid
afraid of losing you

the more I'm afraid to lose you
 distance between us became further away
Will you stay?
I want you
I want nobody
nobody but you
only you
I'm happy to be with love in you
I'm happy to express my love to you
I only think about us
 myself and you, Love

Now, you are close to me
I'm still scared
my heart is always restless
if this is just an illusion
or a dream?

I'm afraid
I lose you, love
because deep in my heart
I know
I love you,
the apparent
for the apparent reason

Only a matter of time
I will lose you
whether later
or now
because in the end,
 you and I will be gone
so is this love

baca versi bahasa Indonesia, disini


Three days ago, I read psychology today article entitled  Can a Rebound Relationship Be the Real Deal?”. The main point of the article is that we often think that after the break up, it is better to wait before starting a new relationship. But it is proved to be otherwise, it is better if we immediately start a new relationship after break up.

After read this article I suddenly remember a friend, she took a break after failed once in looking for a job . She feels she needs time to heal the disappointment. Unlike me, who still continue to look for when I fail. Somehow, i adapt better than her.

Read this article made me realize it turns out that relationship and looking for a job have similar mechanism
If you fail, just try again (restart) :)

To be honest, i took a break in my ta'aruf process, I assumed it is better for me to heal my wound then try again.
So when my murrabi, Kak Ran asked whether I want to start ta'aruf again
I answered “later”
aih... There are so many things that I have to learn
Wish me luck!


baca versi bahasa Indonesia, disini.



When I heard my mother will get married again, I'm skeptical.
I know second marriages are more vulnerable than the first marriage
because each person thinks they have learned from their mistakes,
 but in fact is not necessarily true,
 the same problem can or will reappear.

Besides, I'm afraid I can not adapt well.
Father figure is rarely present in my life, 
what will I feel when suddenly there is a strange man who would show up every day to be my father? 
From what I heard,  my prospective father has 4 children.
 How will I adapt to my new four siblings?
 What will I call them?
Will am I no longer the first child?
There are many questions running in my mind that scared me and made me anxious.
Unfortunately, between my brother and sister, I am the only one who opposed  this marriage.
I even cried in front of my mom, but my mom said "Je, everyone has already agreed. Only you are not. "
I did not believe it when I heard that. Did my siblings not worry like me?
I mean a man and four new sibling will be a big change in life, right?
I can not imagine adaptation process! It will be hard! I presume

My brother, Huang said "What’s the problem, Je? Don’t shut yourself! Be more open! Why not try it once?"
Nia, my bestie, said I am worried because I am the first child and I feel responsible as head of the family if the marriage fails.
Maybe.. It sounds logical to me.

Do you know what?
The marriage turns out okay, not scary.
My step dad is a realistic person.
My family did not move to Jakarta (my step father come from Jakarta) and his family did not move to Karawang.
The new family had not stayed under the same roof. We live apart.
He comes to Karawang every weekend, it made the adaptation process easier for me, because it is not sudden and big changes. 
I and my siblings do not have to call him father/abi, we can call him, Om yul.
His children also call my mom, aunt Ema. 
The best part is that I was not forced to meet with my step siblings.
The second marriage turns out fine, the change was not as drastic and as difficult as I feared
Alhamdulillah : D

And now, a year has passed. I think it's time that I started to change my stepdad nickname.
Yes, a few days ago, I started calling him Dad, not Om yul anymore.
My tongue is still numb and sometimes, I forget and call him Om Yul again.  

But I am going to change, to be better :D

baca versi Indonesianya, disini.

God's Judgement

God, what do You want convey to me?
Do You think I can get through this?

I think you overestimate me
I'm not sure I can
or is it just that you wanted to convey?
that I had misjudgement
I despise myself

because your assessment is never wrong

Thank you made me realize with a sweet way

“test is a bless and  bless is a test”

baca versi bahasa Indonesia , klik disini

Weekly Updates

Hi Guys :D
From today onward, i decide will try to post in my blog weekly :)
My posting will be coming up around weekend ( Friday to Sunday )
My plan for now are I will post English version posting in my blog and Indonesia (Bahasa) version in my tumblr
Wish me luck guys :D

Lulus 3.5 Tahun

Tiada daya dan upaya kecuali dengan pertolongan Allah  

Banyak yang bertanya mengenai pengalaman Hana yang lulus 3,5 tahun :) Hana akan mencoba  menjawab :)

Kenapa Hana  pengen lulus 3,5 tahun?
Keinginan untuk lulus 3,5 tahun itu udah ada semenjak Hana masuk kuliah. Alasan utama sih masalah ekonomi, mengingat yang menanggung biaya hidup dan kuliah Hana itu Umi (Allah menitipkan rejeki Hana via Umi). Hana ngga mau ngerepotin Umi lama-lama. :) Biaya kuliah dan hidup satu semester kan lumayan gede juga :) Kalau bisa diusahakan untuk berhemat, mengapa ngga? Alasan lain pengen lulus 3,5 tahun karena ngerasa keren aja kalau bisa lulus 3,5 tahun. Hahahahhaha

Sebenarnya sempet mau membuang keinginan lulus 3,5 tahun mengingat Hana mengambil peminatan psikologi sosial dan klinis, dimana kedua peminatan tersebut masih ada mata kuliah wajib di semester tujuh dan juga belum nemu (kenal/tahu) senior yang dengan peminatan sosial klinis lulus 3,5 tahun.
Hal yang membuat terpacu lagi untuk lulus 3,5 tuh karena Hana udah sesumbar bilang pengen lulus 3,5 tahun dari awal masuk kuliah jadinya umi, abi  dan temen-temen hana banyak yang nanya rencana Hana untuk lulus 3,5 tahun. Hahahahahah

Alhamdulillah Hana ketemu Kak Asma dan curhat sama dia. Kak Asma bilang mungkin kok peminatan sosial-klinis lulus 7 semester, cuma akan banyak pengorbanan, dan mungkin akan banyak malam-malam tanpa tidur. Habis curhat sama Kak Asma, jadi makin optimis :) Alhamdulillah :D

Selain sama Kak Asma, Hana juga curhat sama Kak Senza, Kak Reno dan Kak Ninis mengenai kegamangan Hana untuk lulus 3,5 tahun dan menemukan pesan yang intinya : Doing something later is not the same with doing something better :D

Hana sempet berpikir kalau mengerjakan skripsinya di semester delapan, mungkin Hana akan lebih baik dan lebih fokus jadi hasilnya lebih baik tapi sebenarnya belum tentu. Ngga ada jaminan kalau skripsi Hana akan lebih baik kalau dikerjakan di semester delapan. :)

Bagaimana cara menentukan topik skripsi?

Ini termasuk hal yang sulit karena minat Hana broad banget. Kayaknya hampir semua topik di psikologi Hana suka. Hahahah. Diperparah dengan sifat Hana yang banyak maunya dan perfeksionis. Dari semester enam itu udah mulai baca-baca jurnal dan skripsi-skripsi senior tapi semua berasa seru. Hm..
Sampai tiba-tiba Nia nyeletuk "Han, loe mau ta'aruf kan? Kenapa loe ngga neliti tentang itu aja?"
Eh emang ta'aruf bisa diteliti ya?
Berangkat dari celetukan Nia, Hana menemukan bahwa ternyata udah pernah ada penelitian ta'aruf tahun 2005-2006 tapi kebanyakan kualitatif.
Setelah itu, bertekad meneliti tentang ta'aruf. Hohohoho :D

Sejak Kapan Mulai Cari PS (Pembimbing Skripsi)?
Hana baru mencari PS saat liburan dari semester enam ke semester tujuh. Sebenarnya pengen mencari PS dari semenjak semester 6 karena dapet nasehat kalau yang lulus 3,5 tahun itu memulai skripsi dari jauh-jauh hari. Intinya lebih cepat mulai, lebih baik. Tapi berhubungan semester enam masih galau topik, masih ragu juga untuk mencari PS, mengingat saran dari Mba Ira (manajer pendidikan) , PS adalah dosen yang ahli pada topik yang kita inginkan untuk skripsi. Sempet stress juga sebenarnya karena Hana masih belum dapet PS di semester enam karena Hana melihat beberapa teman Hana yang memang niat untuk lulus semester tujuh udah dapet PS dan anehnya lagi semester ini tuh Hana selalu telat daftar payung seorang dosen yang Hana suka topiknya. Entah kenapa Hana gagal mulu, keduluan orang. 

Nah setelah Hana tahu Hana pengen skripsi tentang ta'aruf, dari Hana liat sih skripsi senior yang ta'aruf itu pembimbing skripsinya Prof. Sarlito, tapi beliau udah pensiun, ngga mungkin Hana meminta tolong beliau jadi PS. Terus Hana inget kalau pakar pernikahan itu Mba Adriana. Jadinya memberanikan diri untuk menghubungi Mba Adriana . Alhamdulillah Mba Adriana mau untuk bertemu Hana :) Dari pertemuan dengan Mba Adriana, beliau secara halus menolak Hana karena beliau sibuk tapi karena tahu Hana minat ta'aruf, Mba Adriana merekomendasikan Hana untuk bertanya kepada Mba Sari. Sempet sedih karena ditolak Mba Adriana tapi inget cerita salah seorang temen Hana yang juga ditolak pada kesempatan pertama mencari PS. I feel better. Terus nanya deh ke Mba Sari dan alhamdulillah Mba Sari bersedia \(^0^)/

Nah, setelah tahu Hana ingin lulus 3,5, Mba Sari menyarankan untuk mencari teman satu payung, sebenarnya pengen ngajak MSC tapi Hana tahu mereka ngga minat topik beginian. Hahaha .. Akhirnya Hana mengajak Ria dan Shahnaz yang kebetulan magang bareng. 

Dari pencarian PS ini  Hana belajar bahwa "Ini bukan tentang siapa yang lebih dulu memulai, tapi siapa yang berhasil mencapai finish lebih dulu :)". Insight ini Hana dapatkan karena beberapa temen Hana yang mendapat PS dan memulai pengerjaan skripsi terlebih dahulu dibanding Hana, ternyata batal lulus 3,5 tahun. Terus ada juga temen Hana yang memulai skripsi lebih telat dari Hana ternyata berhasil lulus 3,5 tahun.


Sampai sini dulu ya :)
Nanti insya allah disambung lagi :)
Tenang aja, masih banyak yang pengen Hana ceritakan terkait pengalaman mengerjakan skripsi ini :)

Baca juga Tips Lulus Kuliah S1 3,5 tahun

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