Have your cry, but Keep going

I never thought that I can feel and think like Kakeru in Orange Manga
He thought He should not be happy since his mother die
I had similar feeling and thinking when I knew my favorite lecturer, Mba Evie is gone
I regret the last time I met her, I often avoided her
I am afraid that she disappointed in me since my performance went down in my last semesters
I regret I never tell her that she is my favorite lecturer
I suddenly felt I should not be happy
I thought she will be angry at me if I am happy
I just wanna cry and keep cry

Then I felt dizzy and tired
It drain me

I asked my self, If I die what would I like my significant others feel?
I suddenly realized
I want them to be sad but only for a while/ short time
I did not want them to spend day or life in misery
I want them to be happy
to continue living
to do something that meaningful for them

Yeah, I gotta move on