Have your cry, but Keep going

I never thought that I can feel and think like Kakeru in Orange Manga
He thought He should not be happy since his mother die
I had similar feeling and thinking when I knew my favorite lecturer, Mba Evie is gone
I regret the last time I met her, I often avoided her
I am afraid that she disappointed in me since my performance went down in my last semesters
I regret I never tell her that she is my favorite lecturer
I suddenly felt I should not be happy
I thought she will be angry at me if I am happy
I just wanna cry and keep cry

Then I felt dizzy and tired
It drain me

I asked my self, If I die what would I like my significant others feel?
I suddenly realized
I want them to be sad but only for a while/ short time
I did not want them to spend day or life in misery
I want them to be happy
to continue living
to do something that meaningful for them

Yeah, I gotta move on

Look Back with Love

When I joined SWA, my co workers often told me story about Mba Aini, the one whose position I replace.
Sometimes they compared me with her
At first I get annoyed because I thought they think I am not good enough.
But I also realized that for me, they are my first co worker but to them I am not their first.

Now I am no longer annoyed.
I began to understand

One of my co workers, Mba Asri had resign and will change job soon.
I close enough to her. We often had lunch together and have girls talk, She's type who easy to talk to

I read that fortune is not only about money, but friend is also fortune.
I am grateful that Allah gave me good friend, like Mba Asri.
Soon after realized that fact, I said thanks to Mba Asri for being good friend and I am really grateful to meet her.

I think if Mba Asri has already moved, I will keep talking about her because I miss her and do not want to forget her

Now I kinda understand my co worker's feeling back.
They keep talking about Mba Aini not because I was not good enough but because they love Mba Aini and want to remember her.
So when the new one come maybe they cant help to compare

For two beings who are not friends are near each other, there is no meeting,

 and when friend far apart there is no separation

-Simone Weil

Read Indonesia version, here

See You Again, Mba Evie

Assalamu’alaikum Mba Evi (Nurlyta Hafiyah),

You probably will never read this letter since you've already gone. 

(But maybe Allah will tell you about this letter)

I want to tell you that you are my favorite lecturer and it is always be.

The are a lot important lessons I got from you.

First time We met in logic and scientific writing courses.  

I do not know you remembered or not since you gave lecture to a lot student.
For some reason I did not understand, I had a feeling that we have a lot in common.

Your style of lecture made me fall in love with the course. You expect the best from the student by giving the challenging homework and told us your expectation.  You introduce me and my friends  to psychology journal, APA Style and logical fallacies. Thank you so much cause those knowledge help a lot in my academic life.

The best part of you is you did not afraid to give high mark to student who deserved it. You change my perspective. I thought writing is very subjective so I predicted the remark will be so so or I cant get high remark.

But then I got 95 from you for my essay : The Little Prince : Belajar tentang Kehidupan dari Kacamata Anak Kecil.

That day, you made me believe that I am good writer and I can be the one if I want to.

During short semester program (Semester Pendek), you made me fall in love with Social Psychology and I am still in love with Social Psychology. 

Do you know, Mba Evie? You are the one who add my Facebook and LinkedIn account first. Usually the student is the one who ask friend request to lecturer first, not the other way around. I was surprised. Unfortunately I will not got that surprising act from you again.

I am lucky enough to got you as my supervisor for Research in Social Psychology Course. I enjoyed our discussion. You gave me constructive feedback so I can finish the proposal.

Thank you for always believe in me.  

I remembered the day when I gave you Semprong.  I thought you will be happy, but you did not. You were very happy. You gave me bright smile. At that time, I felt I am the one who receive a gift. Thank you Mba Evie.

I cried when I heard the news that you've already gone. Mba Evie, I prayed that Allah forgive all your sins, accept your good deeds and make you enter the paradise (jannah).

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiun.

Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.

Death is not the end.

It is only temporary separation.

It is not good bye-letter, It is see you again letter.

You just returned to Allah and in the future, I will join you too.

We will met again in the after life, right?

A that time, I hope we both meet in Jannah or paradise.