How I Meet My Husband

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

If my life story is genre, it probably a comedy.

The funny thing was in the beginning of 2018
I made resolution to focus on myself and
stop searching husband or involved in taaruf.

After countless marriage meeting/blind date,
I decided to give up.

The guy I have met either feel intimidated
because I am smart or I met the smart one
but want a wife who become housewife.

I wonder is there any man out there who smart,
hold conservative religious value
while also feminist?
The one who agree that his wife can work?

I said to my self: Let's give up on marriage.
I mean what the worst thing happened
if I am not married/forever single?

Well, my life probably the same.

Me, work, friends and my books.

Is it bad life?

No, it is not bad, it is enough and great life.

I have everything that I need.

Why I eager to have husband?

Then that question hit me, at that moment,
I realize I've been getting message that
only the married one that can go to heaven
and marriage kinda solve all problems.

But is it true? I asked to myself

No, I don't think so.

I don't recall the requirement to go to heaven
is marriage status.

Yeay! I am happy that I still have a chance
to go to heaven despite being single.

Then I prayed to Allah,
I asked Him to make me happy
and accept my single life
and help me to go to heaven.

Five days after I made that decision,
I got an email from a guy named Mufid.
We are Facebook friend and
alumni from same university

He said he like my personal blog
and want to get to know me more.
I replied asking what does he mean as getting to know more.
Does he want to know me as a friend
or as a future husband.
(I need to make sure his intention
so I can manage my expectation
and not become victim of false hope, okay?)
He replied he want to know me as future husband.
I smiled.

The funny thing is in 2016,
I was thinking to ask Mufid for marriage meeting.
I enjoy his meme posts and predict that
we have same kind sense of humor.

The letter I sent to him would be like

"Assalamualaikum Mufid, my name is Hana.
I enjoyed your Facebook meme post
and think that we have same kind sense of humor.
Do you interest to go to taaruf with me?"

But then I think again, is it good decision to choose a guy
as husband candidate based on his sense of humor?

Hmm.. I afraid not, so I tossed the idea.

So I can't believe my eyes when I got his email two years later in 2018, 
but his reasons is better than mine.

So we exchange CV (Curriculum Vitae)
and promised to meet next weekend.

When we met, we use 36 questions
plus some other to get know each other.

I knew these question from New York Times article
while Mufid have read the journal.
I was shook. I did not know there is the journal and
someone who is not from psychology background read it.
(FYI, Mufid is not from psychology faculty)

We took turns asking and answering the questions.
These questions help make us get to know faster.

You guys can see the questions here or here.
I must state there is no key answers nor
tips how to match your answer with your potential spouse/partner.
They are open questions.

Most of the time,I enjoyed talk to him
until the perfect day question came up.
I describe my perfect day as having waffle
or pancake as breakfast and
he commented that my behavior as "hedon" /extravagant.
After talking further, I realize we have different opinion
regarding how to spend money.
He is saver and I am spender.

After finishing asking and answering all questions,
I told him that I enjoyed talking to him but if we get married,
there is high probability that we will get divorce
because our view about money.

He said I should not said that and
he believe our difference is something can be work out
if we have good communication skills

When I got home, I search articles that proves that
money is one of big factor for divorce
and send him those links.
He replied "Is there any couple who managed
successfully happily married
despite their money spending habit difference?"

His question is eye opening because
I have been reading lot articles
about factor that lead to divorce, 
tips how happily married
but I suddenly realize I never come across that kind article
or search that kind article.

So I started looking article about money difference
and I found many.
At that time, it come to me that
there are lot saver and spender marriage.
Their stories is eye opening and give me hope.
Their stories made me know what expectation to put,
imagine what kind conflict that will happen and how to resolve it.

When I told this story to my friends,
most of them commented that
"Is not spender and saver marriage is perfect combination?
You complete each other?"

Well I did not think that way.
I have seen how my parent marriage fell apart
because money issues
and I do not want it happen to me too.
So since I am spender, I kinda think it it is better to find another spender.

But after reading article about money and relationship,
I realize if I marrying another spender,
it does not mean my marriage will not have any money problems.
There will be a problem but different kind one.

After that, we talked again to find out how to make our relationship work.
We came up with an agreement,
ex: One of our agreement is we can spend money without telling each other
if the amount is below IDR 250k but if the amount is greater than IDR 250K,
we have to ask permission.

Looking back, I though our problem did not have solution.
I am glad I was wrong this time around.
What I love being relationship with Mufid is he is optimistic
and his optimistic is contagious
and I love that we both try hard to understand each other and came up with solution. 

Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash

Not a Lie but an Illusion

Aku baru selesai menonton Film Me and Earl and The Dying Girl. Me and Earl and The Dying Girl adalah adaptasi film dari novel berjudul sama karya Jesse Andrews. Film ini menceritakan bagaimana hidup Me (Greg) berubah setelah ibunya memaksa dia untuk berteman dengan cewek sekara atau The Dying Girl (Rachel Kusher).

Kalian bisa membaca review bukunya disini.

Salah satu adegan yang berkesan dalam film itu adalah saat Earl menjelaskan kepada Rachel mengapa Greg jarang menyebut seseorang sebagai teman.
Earl menjelaskan bahwa ibu Greg menyebut Greg tampan dan Greg menganggap ibunya berbohong karena
a. Ibu mana yang tidak bilang anaknya tampan
b. Greg tidak merasa tampan dan membenci dirinya sendiri.

Melihat adegan tersebut membuatku berefleksi akan pengalamanku. Karena sama seperti Greg, aku juga tidak percaya ketika Umiku bilang aku cantik.

Aku pernah cerita panjang lebar mengenai pengalamanku tidak merasa cantik disini.

Melihat kondisi Greg membuatku sadar bahwa ibu Greg maupun umiku tidak berbohong. I mean seseorang disebut bohong ketika berbicara tidak sesuai fakta/realita, bukan? (bukan berarti Greg tampan dan aku cantik). Hanya saja di mata Ibu Greg, Greg tampan dan di mata umiku, aku cantik. Mereka mencintai kami sehingga melihat kami dalam kacamata yang lebih positif. Bagi Ibu Greg, Greg tampan adalah realita.
Fenomena tersebut tidak tepat disebut sebagai kebohongan tapi ilusi. Psikologi menyebutnya positive illusion atau ilusi positif. Ketika kita mencintai seseorang, kita melihat mereka dalam positive light.

Sama saat kita jatuh cinta, sering kali kita melihat orang yang kita cintai lebih tampan/cantik sementara teman-teman kita sering kali tidak paham apa yang membuat kita merasa dia lebih tampan/cantik. Mungkin karena itu ya orang sering bilang kalau cinta itu buta. :)

Untuk tahu lebih lanjut mengenai positive illusion bisa baca:
Positive Illusions in Romantic Love: "You're the Nearest Thing to Heaven"
dan
The Eyes of Love

Doa Biar Cepat Move On

Image courtesy of nenetus at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Kamu merasa lelah, muak, kesal karena kamu merasa sudah melakukan banyak hal namun ternyata si dia tidak juga beranjak dari hati dan ingatan. Kamu berharap segala rasa sakit ini segera menghilang, namun sayangnya usahamu hanya berhasil untuk sementara waktu.

Jika memang begitu, mungkin ada baiknya mencoba doa-doa di bawah ini:

1. Berdoalah mengakui kelemahan diri, betapa kau sangat membutuhkan pertolongan Allah untuk bisa move on

2.  Mengucapkan syukur karena telah dipertemukan dengan si Dia yang membuat hatimu hancur berkeping-keping. Misal: "Ya Allah, terima kasih. Aku percaya ada maksud di balik pertemuan kami. Engkau mempertemukan untuk mengajarkan bukan mempersatukan Setelah bertemu dengannya, aku belajar bahwa (sebutkan hal-hal yang telah kau pelajari).   Adakah maksudMu yang terlewat olehku? Apakah aku mengambil kesimpulan yang salah? Mohon beri aku petunjuk, ya Rabb"  

3. Melaksanakan shalat hajat dan kemudian berdoa meminta kepada Allah agar bisa cepat move on

4. Berdoa semoga Allah memberimu hati yang lapang untuk memaafkan orang yang menyakiti hatimu dan berdoa semoga Allah mengampuni dosa-dosanya

Dewasa adalah memaafkan orang lain sebelum orang itu meminta maaf, 

bahkan tetap memaafkan jikapun orang tersebut tak memintanya. 

Bukan karena memaafkan itu sebuah keharusan,

 tapi karena dengan tidak memaafkan, 

kamu akan lebih menyakiti perasaan kamu sendiri. 

Genap- Nazrul Anwar

Dan balasan suatu kejahatan adalah kejahatan yang serupa, 

maka barang siapa memaafkan dan berbuat baik, 

maka pahalanya atas (tanggungan) Allah. 

Sesungguhnya Dia tidak menyukai orang-orang yang zalim.

(QS. Asy Syuura: 40).

Selamat Mencoba!

Semoga berhasil move on! (^0^)/

Nabilla & Dimas for February edition of Beautiful People

Don't worry! I am not celebrating Valentine Day but I like the questions that Cait & Sky have asked for "February edition of Beautiful People" so I am joining them!
*drum roll*

Beautiful People is a monthly event where Cait & Sky ask 10 questions to help writers to know their book characters (beautiful people) better. (^0^)/

This time I will be featuring Nabilla & Dimas, characters from my ongoing novel called "a Way Back Into Love"

1.  How did they first meet?
   Dimas: we worked on same project on campus in our first year
   Nabilla: We met through Ammar. He asked me to help him on his social project. He recruited Dimas, too. Then we met each other during first meeting

1. What were their first impressions of each other?Dimas: Talkative
   Nabilla glares at Dimas
   Dimas: and sweet *wink*
   Nabilla: *blush* I am sorry. I forgot actually. I am not good at remembering names & faces. But I think he is nice since he said hi to me first when we bump into each other several days later while I vaguely remember him.
   Dimas: *talking without sound* she is lying. She remember me but don't want to admit that



2. How long have they been a couple?
   Dimas: How long Sweetheart?Nabilla: Gee. We are not. Stop joking! He likes joke a lot. We are just friend.
   
   Hana : Let me answer this. *spoiler alert*
              well, they are not yet but they will be at the end of story



3. How committed/loyal are they to each other? Would they break up over a secret or a disagreement? Could stress drive them apart? Would they die for each other?
   Nabilla: Did they understand our answer? We are not couple.
   Dimas: Hahaha it's funny question. *Give a sign* (She is shy)
   
   



4. List 5 “food quirks” they know about each other. (Ex: how they take their coffee, if they’re allergic to something, etc….and feel free to mention other non-food quirks!)
   Dimas: She did not like spicy food, she is allergic to shrimp but she likes seafood. She like tea, sweet things like cookies & candy.
   Nabilla: He like sweet ice tea & black coffee. And.. is there anything I should know?



5. Does anyone disapprove of their relationship?
   Dimas: No, I don't think there is any
   Nabilla: Who would? Wait do you mean if we are couple? His fans. He has lots of fans. I am probably has lot of enemies if we become a thing.
   Dimas: She has lot of fans, too.
   Nabilla: Really??
   Dimas: Yeah, the children of her neighbourhood. They like to play with her.
   Nabilla: Ooh I thought..



6. What would be an ideal date?
   Dimas: Anything and anywhere as long as with the girl I love
   Nabilla: Spending time in library or reading book.



7. What are their personality dynamics? Similar? Contrasting? Do they fight a lot or mesh perfectly?
   Nabilla: I tried to not to fight with him but he often tries to pick a fight with me
   Dimas: Nah. It is not true. Why would I do that? *stepping on Nabilla shoes*
   Nabilla: Ugh! See what he did?
   Dimas: what?
   Nabilla: it is not funny
   Dimas: *Smirk*



8. What have been their best and worst moments together as a couple?
   Nabilla: We don't have any since we are not couple. But as a friend, I like how he remember tiny details about me.
   Dimas: *whisper* the moment she said yes to my confession. Just wait



9. Where do they see themselves and their relationship in the next few years?Dimas: *whisper* Don't tell her but I want to marry her Nabilla: I hope we can get along better and he stop tries pick a fight with me.
   Dimas: Can I just skip question?
   Nabilla: Why?
   Dimas: Can we just end this interview session? Thank you for listening
   *walk away*
   Nabilla: I am sorry. I will try to run after him..
   
   Hana: Bye! Thank you for coming! :D

Rekomendasi Lagu Romantis buat Walimahan

Image courtesy of Feelart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Pada Desember lalu, di Group WA Sang Pembangun, Siti melontarkan pertanyaan mengenai rekomendasi lagu romantis buat walimah (pesta/resepsi pernikahan).

siti : Ada yg punya rekomendasi lagu romantis tp meaningnya bagus ga? buat walimahan gtu
siti : Ga harus nasyid
Eka : Siti???
siti :
Siti : ada ga ka? Jgn manggil2 ae
siti : Kesan lagunya romantis.. bukan haraki

Alfisyahrin: If You're not the one
siti : Lagu siapa itu?,
siti : Lagi lagi .. sebanyak2nya. Tar tgl urang pilih

Alfisyahrin: Daniel Bedingfield
Risza: Think out loud
Alfisyahrin: Naif - Karen Kamu Cuma Satu
Alfisyahrin: *karena
siti:

Anjas: Photograph
Risza: *thingking
siti: Yg indonesia jg ya. Tp yg ga pasaran.
siti : ...
siti : *banyak mau* wkwk

Anjas : Setia
Anjas : Setia - Chrisye
Alfisyahrin: S07 - Anugerah Terindah yang Pernah Kumiliki
Risza: Lagunya afgan yg Cintaku bukan cinta biasa
siti:
Alfisyahrin: Me - Inikah Cinta
Anjas : Janji suci
Menjaga hati
Yovie n nuni

Alfisyahrin: Maliq & d'essentials - Kaulah yang Ada di Hatiku
Alfisyahrin: Christina Perri - Be My Forever
Hana Bilqisthi (Me) : Lifehouse - you and me
Neyo - never knew I needed

Anjas: Cinta trakhir - ari laso
Alfisyahrin: Dewa - Aku Di Sini Untukmu
Anjas : Sempurna - andra and the backbone
Risza : Nothing gonna change my love for you

Anjas : Tell me if u wanna go home - keira knightly
Anjas : Buat januari bukan ti?
siti : Waah iya tuh ca lagu afghan yg itu the best
siti : Kalo alfi melankolis tau. Anjas ternyata stock lagu romantisnya mayan jg

Alfisyahrin: One Direction - Gotta be You
Hana Bilqisthi: Hall & oates - You make my dream come true
Mariah Carey - Thank God I found you
Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul

Toro: Demi Nyai - Jonny Iskandar
Alfisyahrin: HiVi! - Mata ke Hati
Alfisyahrin: Keisuke Kuwata - Ashita Hareru Kana

Hana Bilqisthi: The Police - Every Little Thing she does is magic
Paloma Faith - Technicolor

Alfisyahrin: Raef - You are the One
Alfisyahrin: Mocca - On the Night Like This
Risza : John legend yg all of me
Alfisyahrin: Chrisye - Untukku

Aziz: Kahitna : menikah dengan mu
I swear (lupa penyanyinya)
west life: queen of my heart

Hana Bilqisthi: Barry White - My First, My Last, My Everything
Hana Bilqisthi: Teddy Geiger - For You I will
Risza: Tulus tulus..
Teman hidup
Sepatu

Anjas : Duh kalian koleksinya
Afi: I Finally Found Someone
Risza : Gpp njas..belajar romantis
Risza :

Hana Bilqisthi: Tangga - Hebat
Christina Perry - Be My Forever
Ada Band - Sahabat
Owl City - Enchanted

Aziz: Kla Project - menjemput impian #lawas

Hana Bilqisthi: Paramore - The Only Exception
Jamie Cullum - Everlasting Love
Glee / Elton John - Don't go breaking my heart

Aziz: Halaqah Cinta 
Jodoh Dunia akhirat
Pangeran surga

Afi: Brian McKnight - Back at One
Afi: Bryan Adams - Everything I Do

Hana Bilqisthi: Joss Stone - Love
Hugh Grant - Way back into love
Stevie Wonder - Isn't She lovely
Alicia Keys - If I ain't got you
Wonders Girl - Nobody
Maroon 5 - Sugar
Utada Hikaru - First Love

Anjas : Haha
Hana Bilqisthi: Alyssa Bernal - Soaking up the sun
Jason Marz - Lucky
Bruno Mars - Nothing on you

Aziz: Buat nikahan, hana.. pilih2
Hana Bilqisthi:
Hana Bilqisthi:
Afi: Lagu Nothing on You trlalu nge-beat buat nikahan, Han.
Hana Bilqisthi:
Aziz: Bnyk lagu ngebit itu.wkwk

Afi: Celine Dion - Because You Loved Me
Alfisyahrin: Sekalian aja Clarity sama I Need Your Love
Alfisyahrin: Wkwkwk
Afi: Celine Dion - The Power of Love

Aziz: I need your love.. i need your time.. ~
Aziz: Lagu dr alfi bagus2 tuh buat nikahan. Kayaknya alfi udah koleksi buat persiapan nikahan sendiri

Hana Bilqisthi: Have I Told You Lately - Rod Stewart
Dika: Nih mungkin cocok: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-1shDX8F7c
Hana Bilqisthi: “Let Me Love You" from “Naked"
Alfisyahrin: I need your love lagu PES

Hana Bilqisthi: Wherever you are one ok rock terlalu ngebeat ngga?
Anjas : Rather be juga bisa
Anjas: Haha
Anjas : Eh kalo belom maen 2016 mungkin belom tau rather be
Aziz: Kalian tau lagu gituan dr PES

siti : Bukan buat januari buat desember wkwk
siti : toori toori rekomendasi lagunya luat biasa
siti : makasii manteman.. sangat membantuuu *sinyal lg jelek* maklumin klo ucapan makasinya pending lama

Kalau dirapihkan dan dibuat list, ternyata dapet 70 lagu. Here they are:

1.       If You're not the one - Daniel Bedingfield

2.       Think out loud – Ed Sheeran

3.       Karena Kamu Cuma Satu - Naif

4.        Setia – Chrisye

5.       Anugerah Terindah yang Pernah Kumiliki - S07

6.       Cintaku bukan cinta biasa - Afgan

7.        Inikah Cinta - Me

8.       Janji suci - Yovie & Nuno

9.       Menjaga hati - Yovie & Nuno

10.   Kaulah yang Ada di Hatiku - Maliq & d'essentials

11.    Be My Forever -  Christina Perri

12.   You And Me - Lifehouse

13.   Never Knew I Needed – Neyo

14.   Cinta trakhir - Ari Laso

15.    Aku Di Sini Untukmu – Dewa

16.   Sempurna - Andra And The Backbone

17.   Nothing Gonna Change My Love For You - GLENN MEDEIROS

18.   Tell Me If You Wanna Go Home - Keira Knightly

19.   Gotta be You - One Direction

20.   You make my dream come true - Hall & oates

21.   Thank God I found you - Mariah Carey

22.   Beautiful Soul - Jesse McCartney

23.   Demi Nyai - Jonny Iskandar

24.   Mata ke Hati - HiVi!

25.   Ashita Hareru Kana - Keisuke Kuwata

26.   Every Little Thing she does is magic - The Police

27.   Technicolor - Paloma Faith

28.   You are the One - Raef  

29.   On the Night Like This- Mocca

30.   All of Me – John Legend

31.   Untukku – Chrisye

32.   Menikah Dengan Mu - Kahitna

33.   I swear – All 4 One

34.   Queen Of My Heart – Westlife

35.   My First, My Last, My Everything - Barry White

36.   For You I will - Teddy Geiger

37.   Teman hidup - Tulus

38.   Sepatu -Tulus

39.   I Finally Found Someone - Bryan Adams, Barbra Streisand

40.   Hebat - Tangga

41.   Sahabat - Ada Band

42.   Enchanted - Owl City

43.   Menjemput impian - Kla Project

44.   The Only Exception - Paramore

45.   Everlasting Love - Jamie Cullum

46.   Don't go breaking my heart - Glee / Elton John

47.    Halaqah Cinta  - Kang Abay

48.   Jodoh Dunia akhirat - Kang Abay

49.   Pangeran Surga - Febrianti Almeera

50.   Back at One - Brian McKnight

51.   Everything I Do - Bryan Adams

52.    Love - Joss Stone

53.   Way back into love - Hugh Grant

54.   Isn't She lovely - Stevie Wonder

55.   If I ain't got you - Alicia Keys

56.   Nobody - Wonders Girl

57.   Sugar - Maroon 5 (terlalu ngebeat)

58.   First Love - Utada Hikaru

59.   Soaking up the sun - Alyssa Bernal

60.   Lucky - Jason Marz

61.   Nothing on you - Bruno Mars (terlalu ngebeat)

62.   Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion

63.   Clarity - Zedd

64.    I Need Your Love - Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding

65.   The Power of Love - Celine Dion

66.   Have I Told You Lately - Rod Stewart

67.   Lagu dangdut https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-1shDX8F7c

68.    Let Me Love You - Naked"

69.   Rather Be - Clean Bandit  ft. Jess Glynne

70.   Wherever you are - One  Ok rock

Btw, gara-gara obrolan ini Hana jadi tahu kalau Hana suka lagu ngebeat.
 

Semoga listnya membantu ya

Pelajaran Cinta dari Snoopy and Charlie Brown: The Peanuts Movie (2015)

*Spoiler Alert*

Jika kamu belum menonton Snoopy and Charlie Brown: The Peanuts Movie (2015) dan tidak suka spoiler, kusarankan sebaiknya tonton dulu filmnya kemudian melanjutkan membaca post di bawah ini. Hehehe

Dalam film The Peanuts Movie (2015), Charlie Brown jatuh cinta kepada murid baru sekaligus tetangga depan rumahnya, Little Red-Haired Girl.

Charlie Brown berpikir bagaimana mungkin gadis idamannya mau bersama dengannya jika dia adalah seorang yang insecure dan sering mengalami kegagalan?

Ada yang berpikiran sama dengan Charlie Brown?

She is everything and I am nothing.  

So I just can’t talk to her.

Charlie Brown

Image Source: www.peanutsmovie.com

Charlie kemudian berpikir dia harus membuat dirinya hebat terlebih dahulu agar Little Red-Haired Girl  menyukainya. Charlie Brown pun berjuang untuk menarik perhatian dan menaklukan hati Little Red-Haired Girl. Dia membaca buku 10 ways to be a winner, mengikuti talent show, belajar menari, dan mengerjakan sendiri laporan membaca buku untuk tugas berdua Charlie dan Little Red-Haired Girl.

Image Source: www.peanutsmovie.com

Sayangnya, alih-alih berhasil, usahanya justru berakhir dengan kegagalan. Pupus sudah harapan Charlie.

Namun ternyata di di akhir film, saat pemilihan partner untuk tugas kelompok selama musim panas. gadis idaman Charlie Brown, Little Red-Haired Girl, bersedia menjadi partner Charlie. 

Charlie tentu saja terkejut!

Dia kemudiaan bertanya mengapa gadis itu mau menjadi partnernya padahal dirinya adalah seorang yang insecure dan sering mengalami kegagalan.

Image downloaded from www.maximumpop.co.uk

Little Red-Haired Girl menjelaskan bahwa dia tidak melihat Charlie sebagai seorang yang gagal. Dia menyukai Charlie yang perhatian terhadap adiknya. Charlie membantu menyelamatkan talent show adiknya, Sally ketika talent shownya berubah kacau.

Little Red-Haired Girl juga menyukai Charlie yang jujur saat bermain bersama teman-temannya.  Dia merasa Charlie berani saat winter dance dan menganggap tariannya lucu. Dia juga tersentuh ketika Charlie mengerjakan sendiri tugas kelompok untuk mereka berdua ketika Little Red-Haired Girl izin pergi tidak masuk sekolah karena neneknya sakit.  Gadis tersebut menganggap perbuatan Charlie Brown manis.

Film ini mengajarkanku bahwa terkadang kita mengira hal-hal besar yang kita lakukan yang membuat seseorang yang menyukai kita, tanpa kita sadari justru hal-hal kecil yang kita lakukanlah yang membuat seseorang yang menyukai kita.

In this life we cannot always do great things. 

But we can do small things with great love.

 -Mother Teresa

Kencan Ideal: Membaca Bersama Pasangan

Fantasiku tentang kencan ideal dengan suamiku adalah menghabiskan akhir pekan dengan membaca buku bersama. 

Image Courtesy of news.asiaone.com

Nah setiap kali aku mengutarakan ide tersebut, keluarga dan teman-temanku biasanya memberiku tatapan “are-you-crazy”, memutar bola mata mereka ke atas, menertawakanku, atau menepuk pundakku kemudian mengatakan mereka prihatin denganku.

Menurut mereka menghabiskan waktu dengan aktivitas membaca bersama pasangan tidaklah romantis. Saking seringnya mendapat reaksi tidak menyenangkan ketika menceritakan fantasi kencan idealku membuatku bertanya-tanya apakah ada yang salah dengan ideku. Jangan-jangan ideku memang buruk.  Kondisi tersebut membuatku tidak lagi menceritakan fantasi kencan idealku pada siapapun.

Meski begitu, aku diam-diam masih berharap bisa mewujudkan keinginanku tersebut jadi  setiap kali ada anggota keluarga besar atau teman yang menjodohkanku dengan seseorang, salah satu pertanyaan yang sering aku tanyakan adalah “Is he a reader?” atau “Apakah dia suka membaca?”.

Image Courtesy of mask9.com

Mungkin keinginanku ini ada hubungannya dengan salah satu pemandangan yang paling sering aku lihat saat aku tumbuh besar: aktivitas Abi membaca. Beliau akan duduk di bangku depan teras rumah kami dan  menghabiskan waktunya dengan membaca. Kadang-kadang aku mendekati beliau dan bertanya buku apa yang beliau baca. Kemudian beliau akan memberiku rekomendasi buku/majalah/artikel yang sebaiknya aku baca. Kadang-kadang, beliau bertanya apakah aku sudah membaca buku/majalah yang ada di rumah. Mungkin aku menikmati momen anak-ayah yang langka tersebut sehingga berharap dapat mengulanginya dengan suami nanti. Mungkin. I don’t know for sure.

Hal yang aku ketahui adalah aku suka membaca. Aku membaca apa saja, fiksi dan non fiksi, tapi sebagian besar bacaanku adalah novel romance, mystery, komik shoujo, buku self-help, buku tentang Islam  dan apapun yang sedang populer.

Nah, tadi pagi aku menemukan article dari Mic tentang Science Has Good News for Couples Who Read Together . Artikel tersebut menyebutkan manfaat bagi pasangan yang melakukan aktivitas membaca bersama seperti dapat membicarakan hal yang menyenangkan, dan mengungkapkan sisi lain dari pasangan kita. Vouge bahkan menyebut membaca bersama pasangan sebagai aktivitas kencan malam yang terseksi (Sexiest Date Night Activity Date Night: Why Reading Together Can Be the Sexiest Date Night Activity). Sementara itu Lifehack menyebutkan 13 alasan kenapa pasangan yang melakukan aktivitas membaca bersama, tetap bersama (13 Reasons Why Couples Who Read Together, Stay Together) .

Aku sangat bahagia menemukan artikel-artikel di atas. Membuatku merasa bahwa aku tidak sendiri dalam memiliki keingingan membaca bersama pasangan dan ide kencanku bukanlah ide yang aneh. Alhamdulillah :D

To be Romantic

Image Courtesy of zstupar at pixabay.com

I did my homework.
I asked Ikhsan about why he thought that I am not a romantic person.
He said that he knew that I am not spontaneous person and to be romantic person, I need spontaneity.
He said romantic is something beyond our expectation.

After hearing his thought, I googled "to be romantic" and found this article "How to Be Romantic".
The article said that it takes great care, forethought, and creativity to be truly romantic. I have to find an unexpected and exciting way to express my love to another person. Being romantic also keep the relationship fresh.
The article also mentions four methods to be romantic and break down the methods into several ways.


It is interesting reading :D
Ah.. Reading the article made me grateful that I have not married yet since I can picture myself fall into routine.
I mean I am the type who will find out what the rule, obligation and expectation in a relationship are, then stick to it.
I also dislike surprise or situations where I don't know what the rule, obligation and expectation are.
Reading the article made me realize that sometimes I need to go out my comfort zone (doing spontaneous, unexpected thing) to make my partner happy.

Well, I have read lots of articles about marriage and some marriages began to fall apart after the honeymoon phase.
One of the advice for making the marriage work is kept dating each other so the relationship can feel exciting/fresh.
I can imagine myself follow the advice to keep dating each other like going to dinner at a restaurant once a month, have quality time and etc, but I will do it for the sake of following the rule and it will probably become a routine.
I am probably missing the purpose of doing the advice in the first place.


I am glad I knew that I am not romantic and how to be romantic before marriage :)
I still have time to learn to be romantic.
Alhamdulillah :D
Wish me luck guys :D

(Tidak) Romantis

Umiku mengganggapku tidak romantis karena setiap kali menerima telpon dari beliau, aku jarang bertanya apa kabar.
Biasanya setelah mengangkat telpon, aku akan menjawab salam dan kemudian bertanya "kenapa? ada apa?".
Setelah mendengar keluhan beliau, aku langsung bilang "Apa kabar, mi?"
Umi bilang aku terlambat, setelah dikasih tahu baru bilang. Hehehe

Umi kemudian bertanya apakah aku punya asumsi bahwa seseorang menghubungi saat ada perlu/butuh saja, dan kujawab iya. Kemudian percakapan kami berlanjut dengan nasihat dari beliau bahwa tidak setiap orang menelpon karena butuh, mungkin saja mereka kangen dan hanya ingin mendengar suaraku.

Aku jadi ingat saat aku menghubungi teman-temanku, sebagian bertanya apa kabar, bukan menjawab "kenapa? ada apa?' sepertiku.


Aku membuat mental note agar bertanya apa kabar ketika lain kali Umi menelepon tapi lagi-lagi aku lupa.
Mengubah kebiasaan tidak semudah yang aku kira.
*sigh*


Sejujurnya aku tidak suka dibilang tidak romantis tapi kemudian ingat kalau tiap orang punya bahasa cinta yang berbeda. Sesuatu yang menurut umiku romantis belum tentu.


Nah, kebetulan Sabtu kemarin saat main ke kosan Nia, aku meminjam buku Simple Thinking About Blood Type 3. Dari buku tersebut, aku menemukan gaya menelepon golongan darah B. (Buat yang belum tahu, golongan darahku B)

Sumpah aku ngakak, menertawakan diriku sendiri. Ternyata menurut buku tsb, golongan darah B kalau nerima telpon jawabnya "Why? What?"
Hihihi

Aku pun segera menceritakan hal tersebut pada Umi, Umi ikut tertawa tapi kemudian protes karena adikku Huang yang juga bergolongan darah B tidak seperti itu.
Menurut Umi, adikku Huang ketika menerima telpon biasanya menjawab "Ya, Mi. Ada apa?" dengan nada lembut sementara aku nadanya jutek.

Baiklah berarti ngga berlaku buat semua goldar B.
Ngga ilmiah juga soalnya.. Hehe

Ngomong-ngomong soal romantis, kemarin Hana mencoba kuis di BuzzFeed How Romantic Are You?
dan hasilnya adalah ini:

You’re not romantic! Good for you. Not everybody in the world has to be romantic. If they were, then no one would be special, and what’s the fun in that? You like your relationships to be logical and straightforward. *sigh* If only it were that easy…

Hooo..
Ternyata Hana Bilqisthi tidak romantis, Saudara-saudara.
:O
Berusaha mengingat sesuatu hal atau kejadian untuk membuktikan sebaliknya, malah teringat obrolan tahun lalu dengan Ikhsan ketika dia bilang Hana ngga romantis.
Terus sekarang jadi mikir, Ikhsan tahu darimana ya Hana ngga romantis?

Anyway, Alhamdulillah penjelasan di Buzzfeed nya cukup menghibur.
Ngga semua orang harus jadi romantis.
awalnya Hana ngga kepikiran kalau tidak romantis itu bagus
(^0^)
Bener juga ya kalau semua orang romantis, apa serunya?
(pembelaan diri orang yang ngga romantis)
Hahahaha

Meski ngga romantis, Hana akan tetep berusaha menjawab "apa kabar" saat Umi menelepon.
Wish me luck guys
(^0^)/