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To Love or To be Loved?

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My best friend Nia, asked me a question If you can only choose one, which one will you choose, to love or to be loved?

I want both of them,  to love and to be loved.


Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, 
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
 -Lao Tzu

But if I can only choose one, I will choose to love. \(▽♥)/
Image Courtesy of Serge Bertasius Photography at www.freedigitalphotos.net

I learned this through my personal experience, and maybe I can classified them into two category sample cases.

First case: Father.
A girl first love is her father.
I love my father and was longing to be loved by my father since I was young.
But somehow I am not sure whether he loved me or not.

At first what I did is waiting to be loved.
Then one day I realized maybe my father love me in his own way and did not express his love like I want to.
So I start express my love for him, like text him first and said "I love you" first to him.
Now, my father often texts me, too.
The same things happened with my stepfather, He often approached me and tried to get to know me.
So I said I love him too, and now my siblings said somehow they felt my stepfather often put me first when compared to my siblings.

  
2nd case: Friends
There are friends who happy to see me and admired me, while I feel nothing towards them.
I did not hate them nor I love them. I just feel casual.
But they consistently show they like me and then I started to like them, too.

Do you know what? In psychology, there is a phenomenon called reciprocity of liking, which means tendency for people to like others who express liking for them. Find out more, here.
When I learned about this, I was like.. what?!
I could be influenced by others,that way?
Then I am thinking, it is better be the one who influence rather than being influenced.
Hehehe ( It may be related to my high need in power and control)

If you are one of my loyal readers, you might know that I looking for best friend for a long time. One of my mistake is I am looking for a friend who gave me what I want. I thought that what best friends means, friends who always there for me and can give what I need.
Alhamdulillah I finally realized that I was wrong. 


Like Salim A Fillah said 
"How difficult to find a true friend." | "It's hard because you're looking for friends who give. Friend who need to be given, ah, there are many of them. "

I started looking and giving. Several attempt failed but I learned a lot of valuable lessons along the way and I believe help me prepare for next relationship. 
So now, here I am, I have friends whom I love and they love me. (˘˘(˘˘)
Alhamdulillah. ^0^

What I am trying to say is when you choose to love, there is probability that you will be loved. You could get both of them, to love and to be loved.

That's my "final" answer, I think....
until I come across a friend and he was given this question "If you can only choose one, which one will you choose, to love or to be loved?"
and his answers stunted me.
"To love." He answers firmly. "because  None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."

Ah!
How wonderful his answer. I suddenly felt ashamed and realized I am not good muslim,
I choose to love because I want to love and to be loved, while he chooses to love because he want to practice a hadith that he knew.
I felt his answered more sirence and pure than mine. Wallahu alam.
I should start fix myself and strive to be a better Muslim.
Wish me luck guys!
 (ˆˆ)

So, to love or to be loved? 
To love \(▽♥)/




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